Monday, November 17, 2008

Furniture frottage

So I think maybe it gets worse before it gets better because while I feel much saner about the couch these days—meaning I feel like eh, it's a couch, there are a lot of different colors I could be happy/unhappy with—I will admit that yesterday one of the sales guys at Crate and Barrel caught me surreptitiously lean down and then rub my face against a couch cushion. I had to see how it would feel if I were napping on it! It was a nap test!

But perhaps the way I did it, as if I wanted to get a better look at something and then oops, lost my balance! I seem to have fallen forward and landed on my cheek, I better just sweep to the right before getting up—wasn't the coolest. And then when the guy looked at me across the store, and he had this expression of horror on his face, I shot him a steely "let's not tell anyone about this," look. It's ok though, because I caught him making a huge furniture faux pas a couple weeks ago. He told me two couches were made by the same manufacturer when they so are not.

You see, I could sell that store's furniture, that's how intimately acquainted I am with each line and each collection and each manufacturer and each couch's cheek feel.

Tomorrow I go to LA for MINI. Then I'm in Orange County for Thanksgiving and my dad's bday (all his kids and their spouses and kids are coming! I'm bringing three husbands, four kids and a turtle) and then I'm going to Canada to film six episodes of a TV show. I'm not sure which one yet but if I had my choice it would be "You Can't Do That On Television."

That's not true. It would be Facts of Life. I don't care that it wasn't filmed in Canada. But I actually do know which show. I just don't want to tell you because I like to keep secrets from you. It makes me feel important. You know, like I'm on the inside of something and you're on the outside of it, pressing your face against the glass—or the couch cushion of my heart—begging to be let in. Look, here we are, all of us on this side of the couch cushion having a jolly time and totally knowing the name of the TV show and laughing and saying "aboot" when we mean "about" and paying in dollars that are called dollars but are different! And there you are, alone and confused, wishing you could be included, mumbling something about maple. It's so sad.

4 comments:

Brett Jones said...

He just thought you were another damned narcoleptic having a "spell" on one of his display couches. Those people nod off everywhere.

Of course if your were face down in a couch cushion, perhaps he thought you were presenting. I'm told Crate and Barrel is the urban equivalent of the Serengeti.

I'm guessing you're going to be in 21 Jump Street, or maybe the X-Files. MacGyver? Battlestar Galactica? The last one would be so cool. AMR as one of the unknown Cylons. The Sci-Fi geek in me would totally have an aneurysm.

Joe said...

I happen to know what show you're doing - you're the newest cast member of 'Human Wrecking Ball' on the G4 network. And as this video clip shows, it's right up your alley: tinyurl.com/6qxz6j

The amazing part of that video is when they roll up the frying pans at 5:00.

It's either that or you're a patient on Canada's version of Celebrity Rehab and you're trying to shake your addiction to shoestring eggplant.

In Canada you'll be spending Loonies. No, not spending LIKE a loonie - you'll be paying for things WITH Loonies. How can a country have such a silly name for its money?

But if you can't tell us what show you'll be doing, you could at least post some more food porn.

Scott said...

Hey Alison,

Speaking of movies, are you excited to go see that movie 'Twilight' that's opening this weekend?

http://tinyurl.com/5e9nr5

They're making a big deal of the Movie here in Seattle because the story is set in a tiny town (Forks) out by the Ocean on Washington's Olympic Peninsula.

I saw on Seattle's local news that just from the popular Twilight books alone Forks has already been getting between 60-100 girls from all over showing up there everyday to see the town and take pictures.

Believe or not that's a big deal for this little town because they only have a population of about 3000 and even when the rest of the country was doing well there wasn't many job opportunities out there. I guess now though they're selling the Twilight fans souvenir stuff left and right.

That little community could use a little windfall--I go fishing out there once or twice a year and other than some great rivers for fishing and some majestic scenery the area itself is pretty depressing.

Being between the Olympic Mountains and the Ocean it naturally gets one of the highest rainfalls in the country and the area just has a 'life passed it by' feel because the logging industry pretty much dried up years ago and the area is surrounded by a lot of run-down Indian Reservation.

Hopefully this Movie will be a big hit like the books and become a popular series like the Harry Potter movies--that little town could benefit greatly from the touri$m and $ouvenirs.

Anyway, travel safe and please post the new MINI videos when you can.

Peace-out Girl Scout,

Scott

Prototype said...

I had no idea you were so picky and infatuated with couches. That's cute.

So does this mean no hug for me? I mean, that's all I ever wanted...and also perhaps an autographed photo. I mean, Norwalk and Westwood isn't far away. Maybe I should try and ask you again when Christmas comes around...