Friday, May 01, 2009

I wrote this post from the back of a pig

Oh hey everyone. I'm writing this post from the back of a pig. As you've likely heard by now, swine flu doesn't come from having contact with actual swine, however no one really believes that and so the line for pig rides was super duper short. I'd be a fool not to take advantage of it!

You're probably wondering a few things:

1) Yes it smells.

2) No, not like bacon.

3) A saddle, duh!

4) Bessie

5) She's about five which in pig years is... hm... anyone speak pig?

6) Thus far we haven't stumbled on any truffles but Bessie isn't blind.

7) It's quite relaxing really. I feel close to nature and sort of grounded because the pig is fairly low to the ground and yet the feeling of the wind whipping through my hair is liberating and also exotic. I could get lost in the rhythm of the pig's loping gait.

8) To be honest, I could do without the attitude though.

9) Aloof. That's how I'd describe it. Aloof and entitled. Like it's going to take a little more than me to really dazzle this pig.

10) Not that it really matters what this pig thinks of me but I mean, what, does it mean nothing that I was a national merit scholar? Huh, pig? Is that not good enough for you?

11) Uh oh, there's a mud patch up ahead.

12) Yes, a mud patch. Just go with it.

13) Uh oh, I'm getting a call on the pig phone. Anyone know how to answer this thing?

14) Just a regular ring, not an oink. That would be silly!

15) It's my mom. She wants to know if I want to go to Costco.

16) How did she even get this number? That's curious.

17) I'm going to turn around and ride back to the pig stables now.

18) No, not a pen, that's a myth. These pigs live in a stable.


Anonymous said...

Hello Alison M Rosen. I watched your stand up video and was impressed. But then I put it on mute. I felt like the Bill O lady every week describing people's mannerisms. You're pretty good, and I can tell you really started to like it about a minute thirty into it. That's it no more props 4 you

Toddrod said...

Ok, I think Anonymous is multiple people trying to pass themselves off as just this one person! That is some tricky people that are fans of Alison. Just like Alison is tricky! Yep, she's a tricky one. I just wanna know when pigs fly so that I can go for that ride.


Anonymous said...

"When you ended your piggy back journey, did the pig startled you when it talked and say "AH BDEE AH BDEE ABDEE THAT"s ALL FOLKS" ? "

Anonymous said...

"For anyone going to Costco, don't be alarmed if you see a worker by the entrance saying WELCOME TO COSTCO, I LOVE YOU, as a greeting even though he's saying it to you alone."

Bobby said...

Hi Alison! I recently snorted a line of dandruff from a pigs matted back shag and still don't have swine flu.

Joe said...

Well Miss Rosen, I hope you're having a wonderful time on your fancy, smancy California vacation. If you ever decide to blog again, I'm sure we'd all love to hear about it.

Just teasin' ya... We all hope you're having lots o' fun. While you're away, the rest of us are putting in extra hours at the Anna David Academy in preparation for final exams. Personally, I'm planning to flunk every test so Principal David will hold me back for another year. And maybe even have me attend summer school.

Will you tutor me when you come back? I need lots of help in biology.

Ted from Accounting said...

Dude, that was freakin funny! Submit this to McSweeney's!