Friday, May 01, 2009

Heckler; birds

Hey blog readers. How's it going? Anyone tell you how great you look today? No really, you're glowing. There's a certain radiance about you. Also, you smell fantastic. Like lilacs and dryer sheets.

Here's a link to my Mike and Juliet appearance. Don't judge too harshly. Need I remind you that they called me at 8am and I was on TV at 9am? It was all dreamlike. All dreamlike and shit.

Last night I watched Jamie Kennedy's documentary Heckler. I recommend it highly to anyone who's ever felt thin-skinned or felt the need to sling mud at people in the public eye. I put myself in the former category and yet the irony is that I'm also a critic, or rather, have been paid to be one and have written five thousand music reviews and some fewer than that film reviews and also book reviews and other kinds of reviews. But I've never really been a dipshit about it. And now that I'm sort of in the public eye I'm finding that the things people write about you have a way of really really getting under your thin skin and making you want to hide and not keep putting yourself out there, which is what the movie is all about.

I'm sorry, I just got distracted by a weird noise that I think came from my stomach and sounded like a bird sitting on some eggs. I think there are hens roosting in my stomach! Or maybe not hens. What's a bird that coos? A pigeon? I'm going to ask my dad. Hold please.

Pigeons and doves. That's what he says and he would know because he's old. No offense, dad.

So yeah, there are pigeons and doves in my GI tract. AWESOME.

I guess that's all I have to say right now.

I posted a couple pictures today on twitpic. You guys saw those, right?


Anonymous said...

Alison,Keep listening to your father.keep listening to the dove.When you cast your pearls before everyone there will always be pigeons under bridges corrosively defacating on the structal beauty of the bridge.using it for shelter yet bringing it down potentially if the steele is not re-enforced.
In others words..don't let the turkeys get you down.I can't wait to read YOUR book someday.

anthony0358 said...

You looked adorable on the M and J show!

Anonymous said...

Clip quote by you:

"When she referred to the twins she means something different. "

Thanx alot ALison, I didn't get a warning for that !

4 the Love of Prototype said...

Actually, now that you mentioned it, my lab partner did tell me that I looked rather sharp today while we were in the chemistry lab as I was sporting a fresh new haircut with my popped collar lab coat on, preparing solutions and running assays. Oh, and that smell you were talking about? Why that's my new cologne - "Prototype: Scent of a Lady Killer." I made it in lab last week. So far I like it. Has a radius of a football field. Although it's not lilacs and dryer sheets, but more like titanium with a hint of citrus.

As for your appearance on M&J...don't judge too harshly? You looked great. What are you talking about? Like you've ever had a bad appearance...

All this coverage on The Hills is ridic. Especially that slapnut Spencer Pratt. I want to crowbar his knee caps, then duct tape his mouth and lock him in an armbar until he says "uncle."

Have you ever had pigeon pot pie?

karpaydm said...

Hey Alison -

Won't you pretty please come to Boston for a comedy show? Pretty pretty please with a new born puppy with a new born duckling on top? That would be so cool!

As for being heckled... fuck em. And I mean that literally. (and yes I know how to use the word literally).

Finally, there is NOTHING wrong with having foul in your GI tract, depending on the how it got there. Quail in your intestines from a meal - fine. Quail in your intestines because you "accidentally sat on it" - not so fine.

Joe said...

Thanks for posting the link to the M&J clip, Alison. I'm not a huge follower of celebrity news, but I'll always watch when you're on.

If I were in the audience at one of your stand up shows, I'd heckle you by yelling out at regular intervals:

You have beautiful eyes!

Your hair is gorgeous!

What perfect posture!

And things like that. But that's not really heckling -- it's more like being a major pain on the butt. And I freely admit I'm pretty good at that.

I loved the pictue of Tobey!

Brett Jones said...

"I'm sorry, I just got distracted by a weird noise that I think came from my stomach and sounded like a bird sitting on some eggs."

Is this the much talked about biological clock? More of a cooing nesting sound than a tick..

Trapp said...

I'd say that was a very good appearance. You looked fine, and were funny every time they came to you.

I don't know what to say about the people who bring you down, especially since you didn't identify where they're from, or what they're complaining about.

But you look to me like you're at the top of your game. If you're doing what you want to do, and are happy with your work, that's all that matters.

Scott said...

Hey A Ro,

Can you please re-post that address of your agent's office or PO Box where we can send you things to autograph?

Have fun in CA, say hi to Tobey for me :)


Toddrod said...

I thought Alison was great, but I don't think those types of television shows really do her much justice. Alison usually is forced to do one liners, which I think is a bit one dimensional. I don't think the show really shows enough of Alison's quirky humor and personality. It just leaves the audience thinking, "who is the pretty girl on the end who keeps saying weird, funny things?" Maybe that's good though?


Trapp said...

Well, since Toddrod opened this door, I'm going to walk on through it, and no doubt, put my foot in my mouth with every other sentence.

I agree that you're being underused in the short form. In fact, I was kind of frustrated on your behalf on the last Red Eye appearance. You were given some stinker lines to react to, and were even cut off while talking at one point. I don't mean to blame anyone. The parameters of the show are what they are, and maybe Greg didn't quite have a grip on how best to utilize you. He needs to read the pig story in the following post.

I don't think I'm getting a feel for how enthusiastic you are about doing stand up, whether it just seems like the thing to do, or whether getting a taste of it was a "Yes! Yes!" moment like Meg Ryan in the diner. But that's definitely one way to solve the problem of being cut off.

I wish you the best in whatever you do. I think writing a book is also a great idea. Maybe you're already gathering together your humorous anecdotes.

And if a solo stand up act doesn't end up being what you want, maybe you might consider working with a partner or partners, and pursuing vlogs/videos. That Carol Burnett Show we've been waiting for.