Tuesday, January 27, 2009

Stuff I've accomplished today

In case you're thinking I haven't accomplished much today I'm standing here telling you that you are wrong with a capital WR! WRong my friend. Incorrect. Erroneous. Full of misinformation. Dunderheaded. Chowderbrained. Mistaken. Specious.

Not that I have to justify myself to you or anything but I may as well tell you just a little bit about all that I've done. But I'm telling you because I want to, not because I owe you or because I have anything to prove so don't get the wrong idea.

I placed an order on drugstore.com for shampoo and toilet paper except web sites refuse to call it toilet paper which is evidently grody and gauche and so I had to search around the site trying to find it. I ordered 18 rolls of something called "aluminum foil." Hope it's the right thing!

THEN my mom called and I stayed on the phone with her for an hour even though I said three times "I don't want to be on the phone anymore." I even whined something fierce by the third time. Then I pouted for awhile.

THEN I took a shower and not just any shower but a cold one. And here's the thing that gets me, I was just talking with someone about the amazing water pressure in my shower so I'm concerned the shower overheard me and got too comfortable. You know? I'm not ready for the shower to have stopped trying.

THEN I shivered for awhile.

THEN I turned blue and dropped dead.

THEN I checked my email.

THEN I drank some black cherry flavored sparkling water which is free of calories, caffeine and sodium but full of heroin, which I dump in by the rock full. By the chunk full? By the resin? By the small bag? I'm sorry, apparently I don't know as much about heroin as I pretend.

THEN I wrote this blog post.

THEN someone gave me a puppy and I played with it. "How did you know?" I asked. "I just did," said... the puppy. His name was Sal.

THEN I renamed the puppy because I wouldn't name a puppy Sal. I mean, give me a break!

THEN I noticed that my fingers were kid of pruney.

THEN the puppy and I fought crime together and saved three porpoises and an orphan.

THEN I did other amazing things that I'm not going to tell you about because frankly, you and I are SO OVER.

10 comments:

Brett Jones said...

that's pretty much how my day went, except instead of the superhero dog action I did some laundry.

Kevin said...

I really don't know how to respond to any of that... I'll just smile and nod in agreement. I can't believe it is so over, I never got to fully appreciate it because I had no idea, and you end it all on a blog post... that's cold. What did you rename the puppy?

Toddrod said...

Alison! Sometimes I think you are a dork. Sal is an AWESOME name for a dog! Sheesh.

Toddrod

Scott said...

I hope it was two-ply tinfoil that you ordered.

Prototype said...

Hey, we never doubted your accomplishments each day. Well, at least I never did. And I must say...that's quite an adventure there Miss Rosen, and only in a matter of just a few hours, too! You overachiever you!

My condolences go out to your rear end. Keep us posted on how it works out with your new toilet paper, yeah?

My day was almost just as exciting as yours, but your conversation about how amazing your water pressure just puts mine to shame.

warren sheehan said...

Of all your accomplishments today..
Renaming Sal and black-cherry/Smack laced tonic..were the only ones I would consider "accomplishments"
and quite frankley..I am more than a little concerned about the 18 rolls of aluminum foil

Joe said...

Yeah, the QUILTED 2-ply tin foil. That's all I'll use. I'm extremely finicky about my toiletries.

Trapp said...

Thank you Alison and friends for your good humor, which finally inspired me to get off my butt and start my own blog, or in my case, bog. Indeed, now's the perfect time to view it, since it is currently bereft of any information or thoughts whatsoever. It's all downhill from here.

Toddrod, I kind of both agree and disagree. Sal is a glorious name if you're telling someone that you have a dog named Sal, but I don't know if it works in practice:

Good boy, Sal
Come here, Sal
Stop chewing on the couch, Sal
Get the hell off my leg, Sal

Oh wait... I'm getting confused. I'm describing what a date with me would be like if my name were Sal. Nevermind.

markanthonyramirez said...

You need a hug!

Christian said...

Thats pretty much my day as well, except take all of it out and put in "Stocked books, and explained the coming Digital Conversion to an old Woman".

But who hasn't done that?