Sunday, May 25, 2008

If I were looking for a diamond

If I were looking for a diamond in a pinch I would first look in the jewelry box and then I would cut open all the stuffed animals around me because I've learned from watching TV that it's not unusual for bad guys to sew fist-sized diamonds into stuffed animals.

Similarly, if I were looking for a briefcase full of men's undershirts and boxers I would reach for the briefcase that I think has all the money in it, usually located in an airport or near a helicopter, because it doesn't have money, it has boxers and undershirts. In fact, first I would go to Kmart and then if they didn't have the undergarmets I was looking for I'd locate the nearest tarmac.

And lastly, if I needed to outrun my past I'd buy a bottle of cheap bleach and dye my hair banana yellow in a gas station bathroom. I'd also cut it with a switch blade. Then I'd change my name and enroll in a nearby high school.

8 comments:

Toddrod said...

Ha! You are so cute. You don't look nerdy enough to be in high school anymore. You should just become an Engrish teacher, and teach people Engrish.

Toddrod

Ted from Accounting said...

High School!?!?! Well, ok!

So our fearless blog leader is going to make us wait until Monday to see how the Chelsea show went? Hope it went great!

Have a great Memorial Day!

Mr. Ricardo said...

That last paragraph sounds a lot like a weekend I spent in Florida.

Anonymous said...

MOvie Spoiler of the Day:

" Hint: Something bad happens to Sascha Baron Cohen in Sweeney Todd......"

--Roger "Oh my Gosh I can't believe Borat is in that movie " Ebert

Joe said...

I wish I could remember the name of the movie I saw where diamonds were hidden in a stuffed animal - a dog I think. But today's a holiday, so I refuse to think very hard.

It was strange watching a new Red Eye show last night, but it was a great show. Bill is going to host tomorrow night - that should be fun!

I think Greg and Bill should both take a week off during the summer and you, Alison, should fill in as host. That would be awesome!

Phoenix made a perfect landing on Mars last night! I was switching back and forth between CNN and The Science Channel, and their coverage was pretty good. I hate to say it, but Fox never has good coverage of the space program. I can't think of one person at Fox who has a lot of knowledge about it, and their coverage really sucks. In the little of Fox I watched (maybe 10 minutes) I heard several mistakes. And they always say the most obvious things, like "Phoenix is going to land on Mars.... it's dangerous.. Mars is called the Red Planet.. blah... blah.. blah"

I think the best space journalist is Miles O'Brien at CNN. I've never heard him make a factual error, and I usually learn something new when I watch him.

But the landing was flawless. Some of the scientists and engineers have been working on the project for 5 years, so it was exciting watching it land safely - and seeing all the people in the control center cheer and hug each other when it touched down.

The few pictures they've gotten back so far are good. What? You haven't seen the pictures yet?? You're so lucky I stopped by. Here's a link: tinyurl.com/4f6ja2

Happy Memorial Day!

Joe said...

Very nice appearance on the Chelsea show, Alison!! You looked great - especially with the curl in your hair.

I thought someone might mention Miley Cyrus writing her memoirs at 15. The thought of that alone is pretty funny.

I have a strong feeling Miley's going to wake up one day and find she's not so cute any more. A lot of child stars don't do so well when they grow up, so maybe it's good she's writing her memoirs now. In a few years no one may care.

Ted from Accounting said...

You did sooooooo great on the Chelsea show! I laughed at your comment about trying not to look at that guy's teeth. Wow, he had some "choppers" didn't he? Chelsea's "illegal alien" comment was funny!

It was cool to see you out of your Red Eye comfort zone! Plus you looked gorgeous as usual! Great job Alison!

Joe said...

I just remembered you're on Red Eye this Friday, Alison. Two appearances in one week - and from different coasts!

It will be interesting seeing how Bill does hosting the show tonight.

I got a laugh out of this news story today: tinyurl.com/4effeq

She insists on a new toilet seat at every hotel she stays at, and they have to be destroyed after she leaves. I remember reading once that Barbara Streisand insists on dozens of towels in her hotel rooms (all a certain color), and there have to be rose petals in the toilet bowl every day. Oh - and no one working at the hotel can look her diretly in the eye.

These people are too much.