Sunday, April 20, 2008

My ascetic lifestyle; plants named Fred

Since placing my reproductive organs high on a shelf in a seldom opened closet and removing myself from the world of human entanglements/relationships/interaction for the most part except to shuffle around in a bathrobe and slippers, smoking a cigar, scratching my belly and yelling at neighborhood kids and then belching, I've been remarkably surprised how much I don't miss being out there. Maybe I really am dead inside, I'll occasionally think. There are certain things that penetrate the strange satiety though—strange because it seems unearned—and make me suddenly remember what it was like to go to parties and date and go to dinner and put on lip gloss with that nervous/excited feeling in your stomach. (now I just put it on with a "what's the point of it all" feeling mixed with a "damnit Sally Hanson, why did you have to discontinue Always Asher, WHY WHY WHY?" feeling) The things that get through to me? Well, certain people I've met in the midst of all this, and for some reason, the movie Walk the Line.

Wait a minute, my sister just told me she bought a plant for her office and named it Fred. I told her my plant was named Fred and she said her plant looks more like a Fred than mine. THOSE ARE FIGHTING WORDS!


Matt said...

Does that mean you are going to fight your sister? Or are your plants going to participate in a caged pot plant. Two plants enter, one plant leaves.

I love puns.

Ted from Accounting said...

Ok, this is what I enjoy about you so much! Regular Red Eye fans just see you as a beautiful / smart / funny combination. However, your bloggers get to combine that with a vulnerable, sincere, open, lacking health insurance, nice person...who shares her inner feelings and experiences through witty writing! You will find that special person someday!

Remember that one post of mine that got inadvertently posted? Even though 99.8% of my comments are bullshit, that one was in the 1% range for what it's worth! :)

I actually enjoy the soundtrack for Walk the Line...I do like country, I just don't publicly admit it!

Donny Bohac said...

Plants named Fred, huh?

I'm not much different than you and I'm a full 7 years younger and bailed out of college after the third school, only instead of having a real job like you, I don't, and I have WAY too much free time on my hands. I use it making these online "shows". I figure Youtube has as big an audience as free will pay for, so why not put it to use?

As long as you're happy, though, who cares how you enjoy life? There's no more living being done in clubs than in your own house. Just a lot more noise...and STDs.

Joe said...

According to my calculations, the chances of 2 sisters both having plants with the same name are 1,845,934 to 1. But that's conservative because I excluded hyphenated names.

You could always change your plant's name to "Fred the Great", while your sister's is just plain Fred - although that might cause some resentments when you're all gathered around the dinner table on Thanksgiving.

Alison, the RosenFans are all you need. We're always here for you. We'll never come home late from work (mainly because we won't come home at all), we won't leave our dirty socks on the floor, we'll never leave the toilet seat up, we won't buy expensive flat-screen TVs that drive up your credit card payments, and you won't catch us cheating on you (key words there - "catch us").

So enjoy your bathrobe and slippers, smoke your cigars, and scratch and belch all you want. We won't think any less of you!

alison said...

awww. you guys!

Anonymous said...

I was gonna say, "somebody needs some nookie!" However, that would make me seem heartless and cruel. So, I will just say, I love you, ya lil gallut."


P.S. Setting up plants to fight is the first sign of lack of sex.