Monday, April 21, 2008

The actual plant discussion

The following will only be interesting to people invested in the drama that is my sister and I both naming our plants Fred. Now, to be fair, eight hundred years ago she went out and bought brown Doc Martens, and then I went out and bought the same ones even though I'm older, which may have created an irreparable tear in the older sister/younger sister dynamic. Which is to say: perhaps I had this coming.

[More about the Doc Martens, you ask? Well she was really into My So-Called Life at the time. I think she even was mistaken for goth around then, which is rare for her since she's more sunny/colorful stylistically whereas I am kind of always mistaken for goth even though I'm so not goth. Except kind of recently someone who has known me a tiny bit for about ten years said, "Wow, I never knew you had such a twisted sense of humor" and then I asked him, if he's surprised to find this out, what did he think I was like for all these years. He said, "I just thought you were... normal."]

Anyway, here's the plant discussion:

My sister: Did I tell you I got a plant for my office?
Me: Yes.
My sister: I named him Fred.
Me: [slow burn] That's my plant's name.
My sister: Huh. No wonder it worked well.
Me: Yeah, Fred and Rita.
My sister: Rita's the other one?
Me: Yeah.
My sister: Rita looks skinny.
Me: Thank you!
My sister: Mine looks more like a Fred anyway.
Me: I highly doubt that. Wait, is yours Frederick?
My sister: No, just Fred.
Me: Well mine's, uh, Fredley.
My sister: Well then they don't have the same name.
Me: Yeah but no one calls him that!


Anonymous said...

This really is a conundrum. On one side, you should consider giving into your sister, just because you don't want Thanksgiving or Christmas, or whenever your next family get-together will be, to be full of tension and animosity. However, you obviously have been calling your plant "Fred" for sometime, and you can't just change his name in the middle of his life (however long that may be). If I were you, I'd donate your sister's Fred to some charity, or old lady with cats that lives in your building. Then buy her a new plant, and re-name it Rickey! Damn, I'm a good problem solver!


Anonymous said...

This is gonna seem kinda weird, but I too have somewhat of a green thumb. I have various plants out on the vestibule, I also have two indoor Mandarin plants. Matter of fact, I had to put one in a bigger pot last night. It's really thriving. I never thought to name them, but I guess if I were to, I would name the outside plants, "Hey ya'll." I guess the indoor plants would be "Hem," & "Haw." But I'm not fully sold on that yet. Probably just keep them nameless since I'm a dude and all.

I also "had" one of those Aero Garden© thingies. Let me tell ya', it seemed like a good idea at the time, but when the light comes on it looks like the bat signal in the sky. It lit up the whole block it seemed like. My best friend told me, "You can put your weed in there." (that's an old Saturday Night live skit.") "Well," I said, "back in the day I probably would have."

As far as the plant debate with your sis, all you have to do is "pull rank." but that isn't any fun. If I remember correctly, Fred is a Jade. I'm curious as to what her plant is. That's pretty much the difference maker in my eyes.

track of the day:

011) I'm too sexy - Right said Fred.


Donny Bohac said...

Interesting conversation. My little brother and I haven't touched on plants, yet, but we had a gnarly convo the other day about the state of the economy in Ecuador and how they're grossly under-utilizing their name so closely resembling "equator".

My track of the day is Gary Young's "Plantman".

EDIT: I just found a new way to kill time. Try to pronounce the code you have to type in to submit your comment on these blogs. My current one is "qbgnlyky".

Kwibginlicky? A possible name for my first born, perhaps?

Joe said...

If you think 2 plants with the same name are a problem, consider boxer George Foreman.

Foreman has 10 children, and each of his five sons is named George.

-George Jr.
-George III
-George IV
-George V
-George VI

He distinguishes one from another with nicknames like Monk, Big Wheel and Little George.

Two of his five daughters are also called George.

Lord Melchior said...

All plants are named Jeff. It is their ancient way, you cannot change that.

Ned Barnett said...


I'm not going to give you the Fanboy scene (though I enjoy your appearances on RedEye better than any of the other "regulars" - especially when you sit in for Andy ... Friday Nights with Alison should be a RedEye imperative.

However, I'm here to write you about Fred - (or, more specifically, "fred"). You see, while I never named a plant Fred (the closest I came was naming my Ming Aurelia "Kwai Chang Ming" (after Kwai Chang Kane, of course), I did name my bleeding ulcer "fred."

The origin of this was the liner notes from the album "Volunteers" by Jefferson Airplane. They included the songs' lyrics, and when it came to "up against the wall, motherfucker, tear down the wall ..." they felt they couldn't spell out (though they could sing) "motherfucker" - so the liner notes read "up against the wall, fred, tear down the wall" ... hence my ulcer's name.

Now, whenever I see you, I'll think of your plant, Fred, and my ulcer, "fred," and wonder who the (ahem) is the mother(ahem) around here ...

Or something like that.