Monday, April 28, 2008


I'm at the gym working on my rutabagas, bugles and fire irons and I'm feeling less jaunty than usual because when I got here all the recumbent bikes, which are my bikes of choice because they're the closest to lying prone in a bed other than I guess the bench press and let's get serious, I'm a girl and a weak smushy nearly translucent skinned one at that so I'm likely not going to be pumping iron (considered and promptly vetoed a curling iron joke. Too schticky). Anyway, I had to pedal on the upright stationary bike which apparently uses a whole set of muscles I don't regularly use and so I had to hang on for dear life while time slowed to a torturous trickle and the commercial breaks in jeopardy which I was watching were an eternity. It reminded me of the feeling one gets about three minutes which feel like hours after smoking pot when the novelty has gone away and you are just bored. But, like, so bored you don't know how you will ever get through it. So bored you consider doing something risky like returning some phone calls because the element of danger might make you feel alive and you feel so bored you feel like a little kid who's awake long after everyone has gone to sleep. So bored you think, fuckit, I'll stare at myself in the mirror so you do that for awhile which is alternately disorienting and horrifying and then you look at the clock and realize it's only four minutes later. So bored that you begin to wonder if maybe life is this boring and the pot is just opening you up to the myriad ways reality drags on in a crushing pageant of banality, so bored it's as if you are in the fourth hour of a flight from nyc to ca which is usually when I'm pretty sure I'm going to freak the fuck out if I have to stay on this plane anymore. Not that I've ever smoked pot. So bored that, and I can't really explain this one other than the onset of light level psychosis, but you begin to wonder if you're even stoned. How would you know? Then you laugh for two hours or thirty seconds. But that's how that bike felt, so after twenty seven minutes that felt like years, I switched to the recumbent bike and now I'm recumbing quite beautifully. Wait I had something else to say. Hmm. Oh yeah, has anyone read the book Singularity by william sleater? It's a kids science fiction book that I loved though it chilled me when I was young. When I woke up this morning wanting a bird I was also thinking about kids books, first The Last of the Really Great Whangdoodles and then Singularity. Time is all out of whack in Singularity, which is why I bring it up. And I should say that if I'd ever smoked pot it hasn't been in years, years I say, so if you're my parents, please don't worry. I realized I prefer heroin.

Sent from my Verizon Wireless BlackBerry


Hugh said...

My disturbing kiddie SF books were The Sheep Look Up by William Brunner and Canticle for [Annie] Liebowitz. You should write a Sci Fi book. Sweeeeet.

Joe said...

You're certainly getting your money's worth from your gym membership, Alison.

I spent most of today finishing the conversion to the new PC -- WHICH IS NOW LIVE. I'm typing on it as I speak.

Wanna hear something crazy? I thought so. I had the new system set up over the weekend and could never get the speakers to work. I monkeyed with them for an hour yesterday with no success. I actually started thinking the sound card was bad, even though it's a brand spanking new machine and the chances of that were pretty low.

So this afternoon after I finished everything else, I moved the PC to my desk and plugged everything back in. And the speakers worked! On the first try. Go figure.

It took a while to get the web software working, but that's finished. The security software is all running too, which means I now have protection, which means... well, you know what that means.

So after all that nonsense I had a headache, but then after having something to eat the headache is gone. I'm still going to hit the rack early.

So why isn't there a Gregalogue on The Daily Gut tonight?

Alison - I hope you have more enjoyable rat dreams tonight. Give my best to Daniel!

Lord Melchior said...

Dude, I joined a gym finally today, and it was every bit as painful a process as I thought it would be. Like, seriously bro, I don't need a personal trainer, or vitamins, or smoothies, or a friggin massage I have to pay for(throw in a happy ending and maybe...). I definitely didn't need to see the day care room with video games I'm not allowed to play. And I could've gone without seeing all the naked locker room people(they took me to the exact opposite of the locker room I would've liked to walk through).

Ted from Accounting said...

"Duuuuude" "Sweeeeet" "Duuuuude" "Sweeeeet"

Anonymous said...

Did you people not see my face plastered on the back of $7.00 milk cartons? Did you not receive the national Michael alert on your cells? Actually, the RAM in my brain had to be de-fragmented and re-built from the ground up. Is the term RAM still even used? Okay, that was a false statement. Honestly speaking, life threw me a curve, and you know what? I knocked that (insert profane word here. I prefer the B-word, or perhaps even mo-fo.) out of the park. You know, cause chicks dig the long ball. Well, except for
A-Ros. She doesn't care for back-gammom.


316) I know you don't love me - 50 cent.

4.1) Po-folks - Nappy Roots.

a-z) One call away - Chingy.

ghb) Machine-Head - Bush.

thc) Back to the Hotel- N2Deep.