Friday, March 14, 2008

Captain Indigestion (nostalgia edition)

I've been feeling kind of nostalgic for Orange County lately, which is a problem about which I could say more, but I was sitting here thinking about an old friend of mine and all the adventures we used to have, many of which I wrote about in the OC Weekly, and something made me remember the night we nearly missed our plans because, well, you'll see. Anyway, I went back to see if I could find the column. I found it. Hooray! (for you, of course)

This was from 2001 I think:

CAPTAIN INDIGESTION!

Goldenboy
Din Din at the Bamboo Terrace
Saturday, Feb. 24

Saturday night was heap-loads of fun! It got off to a rousing start when, instead of going out and having a good time as was the original plan, I instead sat around my friend’s house while he repeatedly emptied, into the toilet, the contents of a nutritious meal that didn’t agree with him. Correction—nutritious meals. I don’t know how many he ate, but based on the lengthy duration of his bathroom furlough, it had to have been more than just dinner that was starring, for a limited time, in his toilet. “You know what I wish?” he queried through the bathroom door. “I wish you were a guy because then I could show you what just came out of me!”

“Darn!” I yelled back, gagging. And that, if you must know, is why we were late arriving at Bamboo Terrace, having missed Lo-Fi Champion, who were dressed as Jehovah’s Witnesses. I mean, they weren’t really, but I defy you to tell the difference between the band members, who looked jaunty in white shirts and narrow blue ties, and Soldiers of Christ, who also look jaunty in white shirts and narrow blue ties.

My Weak-Stomached Pal (who has forbidden me to use his name, which is weird to me since he was more than ready to show me the contents of his colon; whence springs this sudden coyness?) and I got there in time to see an entire set by Goldenboy. The three-piece Diamond Bar band features the excellent Shon Sullivan (nicknamed “Goldenboy”), who plays cello, guitar and piano in Elliot Smith’s touring band, on vocals, guitar and keys. Before he got the Smith gig, he played in a melodic psychedelic-ish band I used to really like called Moonwash. Before that he played in melodic psych-edelic-ish band Moonwash Symphony, who performed at my college, so as far as I’m concerned, Sullivan and I go way back. We’re practically family. I think he felt the same way, after I reminded him who I was.

Goldenboy began to play one of their plaintive melodic numbers, made more soothing, plaintive and melodic by Sullivan’s gentle baritone. Actually, I’m not sure he’s a baritone, and sometimes he sings in a falsetto, but it’s all quite soft and syrupy in a good singer-songwriter way. He should do lullabies!

“They’re really soothing,” remarked Captain Indigestion. “I think I’m beginning to feel better.” At this point it gets confusing because I think I said, “Yeah, they make music for your butt,” but Captain Indigestion claims Roberto from Lo-Fi Champion said it and Roberto claims the Captain said it, which is stupid because I’m the one who said it. Regardless, I got all sorts of grief for the rest of the night from Baron Von Light-A-Match-Please for, according to him, trying to take credit for someone else’s phrase. Bite me, Toilet Boy!

Three songs in, Sullivan put down his guitar and began playing electric piano on a song called “Baby Doll,” which, at the beginning, sounds a tiny bit like the theme song from Cheers, which I actually, at the time, said, but Roberto and Toilet Duck probably want to take credit for that one, too.

At some point, Goldenboy played “Savior Pill,” a Moonwash song I remember from their album, which I used to own although I can’t find it or remember what it was called, but I was overjoyed to hear the song as, for a time, it made me forget my troubles with the Duke of Crappy Pants, so for that, I’m eternally grateful. (Alison M. Rosen)

6 comments:

Anonymous said...

Quote of the indigested:

"If you want to solve the 7 year old mystery what went down the toilet, it was probably something rubbery he forgot to take out and nothing else."

---Senator "OLD NEWS" Craig

Mr. Ricardo said...

I was laughing my ass off at "Toilet Duck" I'm not sure why this was so funny but I had to keep from laughing out loud and waking up my roommates. Just way too funny.

Joe said...

Someone needs a good, hard spanking and then sent to bed without her supper.

No, not you Alison. I was talking about Mary Kate Olsen. Did you hear what that little tramp did yesterday? Oh, never mind...

Regarding your post, I don't think you've really been intimate with someone until you've shared their stomach contents. Sex is only the first step - there's so much more of that other person to explore. Just think, the small intestine alone is 21 feet long! So many internal organs, so little time.

One other thouht about "Baron Von Light-A-Match-Please," the Mythbusters proved a lighted match doesn't remove bathroom odors - it just masks them.

You don't want to know how they tested that one!

Anonymous said...

Absolutely loved the story. I like how descriptive it is. Always a joy to read your work past or present. It's kinda like I can live my childhood dream of being an english teacher through you and also Wendy. I hope that come out right, because I mean it in a very sincere, complimentary kind of way. Nothing creepy or anything. I'd like to think I've blogged here long enough and you know kinda sorta where I'm coming from. I would hope it would go without saying, but sometimes, in my opinion, things need to be said to keep things moving forward. Oh good grief I just realized that I'm babbling. I'm actually exhausted mentally right now because I talked to one of my good friends last night for like 3 and a half hrs, and I'm not even a phone person, but It was like when you're both flowing, so to speak, you just don't wanna let go. Even if it's just silly talk mixed in with just about every emotion I've compacted over the last 2 weeks as well as her. We would even take like 15 min. breaks and call each other back until we just basically bottomed out. So I kinda peaked out last night and I have emotional burn out. But that can always turn on a dime. I actually hope it doesn't. I need a vacation from myself. Well, I've babbled long enough. Thanks for lending me your ear, or I guess that would be eyes in this case. For God's sake Michael shut up! You're right.

Michael.
La.

Anonymous said...

Alrighty then. I just went through a metamorphasis. I called up my homey Jay-Z and he told me to pop in that autographed cd that he sent me back in 2003. "The Black Album." Particulary the song, "Dirt off your shoulders." It will definately revitalize anyone who listens to it. Which brings me to my new invention of the month. I think that when you have to call a service tech from either phone or computer tech or anything along those lines, Instead of having to listen to the elevator music, they should have a menu set up for various music types and you can select what song you want to listen to while waiting. It would make for a better waiting experience. I'm tellin' ya', I'll be on Donny Deutch one day. Just to say, "I coulda done better."

Michael.
La.

Anonymous said...

Okay, one more little tid-bit then I'm going on blog vacation for a little bit, but I just wanted to point out that I thought it was cool to see Page Six on "Best Week Ever." this week. I love that show. It has a Red Eye flavor to it. Chuck Nice is the bomb.

Michael.
La.

mood: non-chaulant.

sign: On vacation to recharge my batteries.