Thursday, March 26, 2009

Here's a list for you to enjoy

So many things you guys! I think this calls for a list.

1. Wendy and I chatted today and whilst chatting she posted because she's stealthy like that. She also taught me a new word: perseverate. This is a big deal because basically wherever I am I'm pretty sure I'm the smartest person in the room. It's just the way it is. Does it sound vain? It should. But Wendy has now taught me three words I didn't know so I think she might be smarter than I am. Dustin taught me one word I didn't know. I always remember where I learn words. I often forget who I sleep with though.

2. The words were perseverate, herding cats (the phrase. It's funny story because I told Wendy that I overheard someone saying working with someone was like "working with cats" and Wendy asked if the person said "herding cats" and explained that it's a phrase). The other word was... hm... something you carry people around on. Like a rickshaw but not. Apparently that one didn't take.

3. Dustin taught me the word concatenate. If I had more energy I would link to all these words but I don't. My links aren't very hyper today.

4. My McSweeney's thing is up: http://www.mcsweeneys.net/links/yourmoney/

5. I'm really excited about the second installment of the above column which I've already written and is apparently in the queueueueueueueue.

6. That's how you spell that word, duh!

7. I'm going to two parties tonight. TWO. Who's fancy? I am.

8. So I've been given the opportunity to be one of those comics who comments on celebrity fashion disasters in Life & Style magazine. I'm brushing off my zingers and my ripsnorters as we speak. I have to send them a headshot though. Which one should I use? Help me decide! It will be small and black & white.





9. I'd just go with the first one except an agent once told me it didn't accurately reflect my personality. It's all I can do not to post the duckling photo right here right now, by the way.

10. If there's another photo you think I should use, let me know.

11. Um, what else? Hm. Oh! Well I was working on my stand up set because I'm going to audition for a potential regular slot at a comedy club MAYBE and it turns out I'm pretty heavy on the pedophilia jokes. Who knew? Is that my niche? The super messed up twisted niche? It's so not what I expected of myself. I may have to abandon all that and instead go in the other direction: jokes about carob.

12. Oh yeah so the store I go to sells zucchini but calls it green squash and I would like to know why. Does zucchini only refer to something specific, like champagne? Does it refer to squash that comes from the zucchi region?

14. See what I did there, number wise?

15. I guess I don't have anything else to say.

20 comments:

Michael R said...

Photo #1 is the way to go. You misunderstood the comment about it not reflecting your personality as a bad thing.

alison said...

RUDE!

karpaydm said...

1. I like to think of myself as the smartest person in a room. Especially chat rooms. But if I am not, I can fall back on knowing I am the biggest smartass in the room.

2. I liked your McSweeney's column.

3. Go with the first headshot. It is simply breathtaking. You could always Photoshop a balloon over your head like you are thinking something like "You think this picture kicks ass, wait til you see my kickass ripsnorters".

4. Pedophilia jokes? Did you do a roast at the Vatican or something?

KarpayDM

Chi_Mike said...

I like the second one, can't go wrong with a big smile.

Edward said...

Photo #2 is hot. It's the one I have saved on my hard drive.

Prototype 3: Rise of the Machine said...

Whoa, whoa, whoa...

Anyway, you're the smartest "word" person I know! You're like a talking dictionary. But a good-looking, talking dictionary.

As for headshots...I'd go with the 2nd one (minus the dotted lines at the bottom). But of course you already knew that!

Prototype 3: Rise of the Machine said...

Or a roast at the Neverland Ranch.

Joe said...

I would go with this photo.

Trapp said...

It would help to see how they look reduced, cropped, and in b/w, but...

I'd choose #2, because it's more fun. The others might be too serious, making you seem mean?

From your photo page, #233 (in the car) and #261 (from the funniest reporter) are also good, I think.

(But if it was me, I'd use the hat with the curlers photo for everything.)

Falkenhayn said...

Photo #1 is the most profesional(I never can remember the f to s ratio in this word so I decided to save some time and go with 1 each).

My favorite photo of you is 379 in your photo album. Very awesome picture of you. Course you could show an indifference to other's opinions and go with 376.

The only pedophilia joke I know is the one with the altar boy, the coke and the candybar.

Scott said...

Alison,

Of the three pictures you posted I like the bottom one the best. For some reason I've never liked that B&W one of you--it's too dark and you're MUCH prettier than that pic suggests.

You should have some of those professional shots taken like Anna David has where she's sitting in her silky pajama top working on her laptop. :)-

Until then I think you should just use THIS PICTURE :)

Seriously, you look SUPER cute in THIS PICTURE!!. If you could somehow crop Michael Stipe out of the photo it would be an awesome pic to use!! ;)

Also, maybe it's just me but I'm not loving the use of the word 'whilst' in your writing. It's bad enough coming from a British Subject, but it's downright annoying coming from an American lass.

Ted from Accounting said...

I added some color to the black and white pic! Which is my favorite!

Jaqob Jackson said...

What the hell happened today? weren't you supposed to be on Red Eye tonight?

I stayed awake instead of going to bed when I got home just to catch Red Eye.

Harumph!

At least I got to enjoy Pinch.

Hope they reschedule another person that wasn't on recently. Maybe on the same night that you are on.

~**~

Jaqob Jackson said...

And yes, the FIRST PIC ON TOP is the pic to go with. Clearly.

The reason is because everything about the pic looks right as far as the size of the pic and how far from the camera it was taken and how the image is cropped to leave enough space where it looks more like a professionally done pic that belongs with your bio in a style section online or in print.

You feel me?

[Think Depeche Mode's I FEEL YOU]
youtube.com/watch?v=y3lwSq8qj5o&fmt=18

Joe said...

Totally unrelated, but hahahahahaha... this tattoo.

Toddrod said...

Ted! Stop making fun of my twitter tattoo! You know I'm sensitive. Alison, I like picture number one, but I think that agent is right. It isn't a very good reflection of your personality. I only like that picture because you look all scholarly, like you are a community college English teacher, or Princess from the Alladin cartoon. There was a picture of you and Diana Falzone took recently where you have your black winter coat on, and you look all snuggly. I love that picture of you. However, I don't think it would be good for a professional headshot. Just use pic 2 that you provided. I'm soo confusing sometimes!

Toddrod

Ted from Accounting said...

The Fail Whale....I love it!

Toddrod said...

I think I said Ted! I meant Joe! Joe... stop making fun of my tattoo! I'm sensitive... maybe you didn't realize!

Toddrod

ec gladstone said...

You need a new photo, but all my photog contacts are on the west coast.
Also, have you ever noticed how only white people are obsessed with vocabulary? Maybe I'm wrong, but you gotta admit it sounds like a good theory.

Ted from Accounting said...

No!!!! I was making fun of your tattoo as well! :)

I have noticed that Twitter fails to work a lot during peak hours (whatever that is considered...usually when I'm on).