Monday, February 16, 2009

My adolescent MySpace blog (of two years ago)

So I went delving into the annals of my old MySpace blog, which I kept warm in the lean years of this one which you are reading right this minute, because I was looking for a couple old lists I'd made of Things I Always Think Are Funny.

Whilst there though I came across the following overwrought bit of sad fluff which I'm reposting because it's just so.... ANGST! And also, the subject is "this is very livejournal" which is funny because that's what I was thinking as I was reading it which actually isn't funny but instead just shows that brains are machines and a certain stimulus nearly always kicks up the same response. I'll notice this if I ever listen to tapes of old interviews I did and even though years may have passed I'll make a joke in my head, related to something the interviewee said, and then I'll hear myself make the same joke on the tape. And then I'll have a hearty laugh and toast myself. Anyway, behold the gothiness:

SUBJ: This is very livejournal

I think I must be mourning something, though I don't quite know what, because suddenly the math of human connection seems, well it seems like math, like a page of equations, instead of something effortless. For some reason I am unable to be "in it" for any sustained period of time, and I'm not speaking solely about relationships. The last time I felt this was when I truly was in mourning 10 years ago. Not to get all French existentialist but I felt like a clown after that, like life was this weird charade/parade and I was stuck and nothing made sense and everything was tragic. That feeling abated in time, but I'm experiencing faint echoes again. Anyway, not to be all super deep and heavy but I'm transcribing an interview I did with Alan Ball and we're talking about grief and it got me thinking.

Also, I'm not ruling out the idea that what I'm mourning is the cancellation of The O.C.

3 comments:

KevinC. said...

That is really gothiness! Were you listening to MCR and hanging out at Hot Topic while writing that? I know I was very sad when The O.C. got cancelled, but not that sad... they had changed everything so much from season 3 to 4 that it kind of wasn't the same show, you know? That is a very deep blog post, have you ever considered becoming: Ali Ro the poet? That type of writing ties into my idea of you using your name "Ali Ro" as the name of an emo band.

Stefan said...

I'm not sure I should admit this, but you have described my general emotional state for the last few years. If only I could claim it was related to the O.C. getting canceled.

Toddrod said...

KevinC is Hot Topic the place where the goth kids go buy stuff? When I was a kid Hot Topic was where all the wannabe rocker kids would go to buy Doc Martins. I dunno how the store has evolved, and was just curious.

In regards to the feelings of "goth"iness, I too get these melancholy emotions. Just last night, I experienced this exact feeling. Vernon Glenn is a local sports caster, and he's really dorky. However, last night was his very last weekend broadcast after 20 years. I've been watching this guy on television for half of my life! His announcement was a surprise, and I suddenly felt the loss of a huge part of my personal being. To celebrate these feelings, I turned off the television, and put on my Ministry Greatest Hits cd.

Toddrod