Saturday, February 07, 2009

He's Just Not that Into Ukulele

Worried your man isn't that into the ukulele and yet afraid to ask? Don't get your hula skirt in a knot, girlfriend, we're here to help! First and foremost, direct communication when at all possible is advised. Why not just ask him how he feels about the small four stringed instrument? What's the worst that could happen? He's say he's not feeling it and then you'd cry into your poi balls? It's easier said than done, though, and we get that. Maybe you aren't ready to have that conversation just yet. In that case, here are some signs he might just not be that into ukulele:

He avoids luaus
Claims hand is broken and yet proceeds to enter yo-yo championship, and win!
Claims has no time for the ukulele now that he's a yo-yo celebrity
Refers to ukulele as "that annoying wannabe guitar"
Refers to banjo as "a step up from shitty ukulele"
Never tries to have sex with ukulele
Denies selling his Don Ho albums on eBay
Claims eBay handle "Don Ho Electronic Store Superseller" is just "coincidence"
Deep seated sudden hatred for bubbles of all sizes but especially tiny bubbles
Could care less about your dog or its flea condition
Says he's just been "really busy... not playing the ukulele"


blake said...

Hey! You're pretty funny! You should try to monetize that somehow.

Anonymous said...

actually, the phrase is "couldn't care less".

Prototype said...

I hate that *instrument.

How the hell did this topic even come up in your mind? You think too much about the most randomness things, girlfriend! But I still love you though, Alison.

I once "el kabonged" someone with that *instrument.

*Notice the asterisk on instrument.

But I have to agree with you on one thing: "Could care less about your dog or its flea condition" is totally a sign!

warren sheehan said...

just in time for valentines day..thanks alsion.brilliant.

gave me an idea for a porno..

"he's just not that into uranus"

KevinC. said...

I don't know how you keep coming up with all this Alison, hilarious!

warren the turd said...

"he's just not that into euphemism"
you know like uranus...anyway,I think this is one of your better blogs..I dont see you jumping out the window..em,I mean jumping the shark anytime soon.

Rod Legojevich said...

As a true native of Hawaii, this post is really funny. Funny as how people in here tell you that Barack Obama is the most famous Haole (Local Term for White man/Caucasion used in the islands) the state has ever had........

Toddrod said...

This guy is really into Ukelele...

btw... Ukelele is prounounced OOh keh LEHLEH ... not YOUK ah LEHlee as many people always mispronounce it. Hey, I guess I'm into Ukelele too!


Joe said...

Very funny, Alison!

Personally, I'm just not that into U-turns. Or eucalyptus. But I AM into uniforms.

Has anyone here read Kurt Vonnegut's book Cat's Cradle? In that book he describes the principle of a "carass," which is defined as two or more people who have been drawn together by destiny in order to fulfill some greater cosmic purpose. The main distinction of the group is the improbability that those people would otherwise have anything to do with each another.

So I was wondering this morning what the possible cosmic purpose might be to the Alison Rosen carass, which has now expanded into the Alison Rosen-Anna David carass.

I have a few guesses as to our possible cosmic purpose:

1. Prop Vlogging
2. Ear Wax Removal
3. Self-Googling
4. Socks and Gloves
5. Pets Named Tobey
6. Secret Manhattan Projects
7. Kirsten Dunst
8. Twitter Addiction
9. Punk Bands
10. Sex

I really didn't have a basis for #10, but sex plays a role in just about everything so I thought I'd include it anyway.

Am I missing anything?

Eric should clearly be more obsessed said...

oh foreskins! I missed this blog before I tried to be witty. please take my previous comment out back and put it in a shallow grave.