Wednesday, January 28, 2009

I'm an asshole

In New York there is a special kind of asshole who takes a cab when it rains and tonight that asshole is me. This blog post? Written from the back of a cab. But I'm not just a cab-in-the-rain taking asshole because as I write this my jeans are stuffed into my uggs (and the fact that I even am wearing uggs is a whole other topic) but anyway they are stuffed in there and kind of poofing over the top in a way that suggests I might beg for porridge and then break into song. Also, it's as if each leg has its own wee muffin top.

You should know that I took the train to the place I had to be today, so I'm only half an asshole, and the walk there was miserable times a million. I nearly lost my hand from frost and then when I got to the place I tried to take my coat off but I had no feeling in my hand and I was too impatient for my body to remind itself that I'm alive so I accidentally pulled the coat open and ripped the button off, Superman style. Apparently without feeling in my fingers I possess Herculean strength. Then I flipped over a couple of cars and got to work.

11 comments:

Brett Jones said...

Bah.. I'd own a car if I lived in the city. Some huge land yacht from the 1970's would be awesome.

warrensheehan said...

em..oliver twist..its ok...but the uggs thing..its really not another topic..not that theres any thing wrong with keeping your feet warm

Bill Clevlen said...

Man I feel like a loser now... I just decided to work from home today because I didn't want to shovel 7 inches of snow out of the driveway.

And here, you're acting like a super hero in bad weather.

I could learn some lessons from your determination.

Brett Jones said...

No I wouldn't.

The first time I was in the City I drove down for a computer thing and took the Suburban. The large by huge Suburban. I kept hitting my mirrors on delivery van mirrors as I drove around Manhattan. Plus it cost like $5000 just to park it for a day.

Corey Renee said...

I did the EXACT same thing with my jeans today and also felt like an asshole! I am glad to know I am not the only one.

Kevin said...

Ali, you could never be an asshole and I'm sure you made those uggs look great. Superman strength!? That’s beyond cool, but was it really necessary to flip over cars on your way to work?

Kevin said...

You’ve come to writing blog posts in the back of random cabs and no longer taking the time to write them on a computer? That makes me feel kinda dirty.

Anonymous said...

wee muffin top?...oh boy..how did you make that hot...now its official i'm insane..oh by the way i dont have a dictionary

Christian said...

This must be a New York thing because I'm not quite sure how this makes you an asshole, other than flipping the cars. I mean its expensive enough to park in the city, then you come out and your car is turned over by some superstrong BlogWoman.

Prototype said...

That's an odd reason to be referring to yourself as an asshole. Is there something wrong with taking a cab when it rains? I kind of feel the same way you feel about transportation here in LA, except when I drive, it's the other people who are asses.

As for the uggs, you don't look like the type of girl who wears them. You always seem like a black high heel shoes or black high heel boots type of girl. And also, you don't normally wear jeans, huh? I usually see you wearing your typical long black skirts or even black pants.

And why weren't you wearing O.J. gloves? I suggest you do that the next time you're out, but fill it up with Bengay first, then put it on to maintain the circulation to your hands.

Toddrod said...

Alison is an "a-hole" because she keeps using these bad words, and she knows her parents read her blog. Thus she is exposing her parents to the use of foul (or is it fowl) language! For shame! Doesn't your father cringe when you use such potty language?!? What is the world coming to?!?!

Toddrod