Monday, January 26, 2009

Chinese New Year's resolutions

I just glanced at my calendar and noticed today is Chinese New Year. I feel so embarrassed. It totally crept up on me again! I didn't even make any Chinese New Year's resolutions. Should you also be a Chinese New Year deadbeat like me, here are some options:

No more slipping trick fortunes into fortune cookies even though it's really funny
Less lying to Jade Emperor (evasion is ok)
Party like it's Year of the Ox!
Don't party like it's Year of the Ox!
Party like it's Year of the Boar!
Quit living in the past.
Buy a pet ox
Buy a pair of oxen so they can play with each other
Make them carry your backpack to school because they are beasts of burden and will feel sort of listless if they aren't give "work"
(Around the village I'm known as "The Oxen Whisperer")
Refuse to be stuck in the ass of the dragon costume again no matter how much you get pressured
More lanterns!
Make your own lanterns out of crepe paper and dumpling skins
Hang the edible lanterns around your conversation pit and then pretend you don't know where that smell is coming from
Build a conversation pit
Just say "shi" to the universe!


Suzanne said...

I think Bill should be the dragon's ass this year.

Joe said...


(Happy New Year! Now will someone please tell me where did I put my egg noodles?)

Prototype said...

Sorry, don't celebrate this "holiday." Not Asian.

Toddrod said...

Prototype lies! I dunno if he is really lying, but I just want to accuse someone of something!


karpaydm said...

You had me at "Refuse to be stuck in the ass"... Chinese New Year or just and day of the week, this one is a good resolution.

"Oxen Whisperer" - that's a good one!

warren sheehan said...

Party like its the year of the OXycontin or OXycodone ?

Joe said...

We all know that Chinese signs don't always translate very well into English.

But does anyone have an idea what this sign is supposed to mean? I'm stumped.

TR said...

Here's another resolution- don't call a Pizza Parlor and say you need 10 free pizzas for a church youth event.

Prototype said...

Toddrod - I'm Canadian. As a matter of fact, I was referred to as the "All-American Canadian" back in high school as an athlete. And that my friend, is NO lie. And thanks for choosing me as your target of accusation, even though you chose the wrong guy. I'm honored.

Prototype said...

And I don't know if I should've revealed that because I know how Alison feels about Canadians.

Toddrod said...

That's pretty cool that you are Canadian Prototype! Some of the nicest, and coolest people I've ever met were Canadians of Chinese All-American heritage! Have a wonderful new year!


Toddrod said...

Prototype! I'm glad I accussed you. Since you are Canadian, you are probably used to being blamed for everything American's do! You seem like a cool guy! We should meet at Alison Rosen luncheon that she's gonna throw for us sometime soon in the future!


Zopff said...


I think it means "don't bang your head on the 'crotch' of the doorway".