Wednesday, November 12, 2008

Wear yourself out by listening to me go on and on about furniture

Earlier today I had a whole temper tantrum inside my own head and decided that when I got home I would write a blog post entitled "I don't know how I feel about my couch. P.S. I'm neurotic and going to die alone."

Then I found out that title had already been taken so I had to go with the one above.

See, I've been going back and forth on this couch. Not literally. On the upside, it's comfortable. On the downside, sometimes I look at it and think "it looks like barf."

But considering how goddamn long I took to decide and how annoying I was about it shouldn't I just love it? Love it to pieces?

Because I don't. But I think I like it. Maybe? I don't know. I like it better now that I bought throw pillows for it (I haven't decided which ones I like, hence the three different pillows.) Earlier tonight I decided I'd go with a silver, gold and white theme which is neato and, um, yeah. Neato's all I got on that one. Fancy? Neato and fancy? I could do neato and fancy. And secretly Christmasy.

But then sometimes I look at the couch and think "it looks like a giant gum eraser." I also think it looks like liver and I also think it looks like steak that's been chewed up and spit out. Also: gristle.

But then I see it in photos and I think maybe it's ok.

See, complicating matters is the fact that the delivery men nicked it in a couple spots so C&B offered to replace it. I explained that it was kind of difficult to get it into the space so they're sending someone out to look at it here to see if he can patch it up in situ. What does in situ mean? Hold please.

God I'm smart.

Um, yeah, so anyway, if I act fast I could get this big gray menace out of my apartment and my life forever and then I could invite something else into my living room that I will go nuts about. Seriously, I'm sick and tired of myself.

But it's not like I never like anything ever. When I look at my bed, my white duvet covered bed, I feel calm and good. I don't have this crazy ping ponging meat-comparison making reaction happening.

Yet I'm not at peace with the decision to just return the fucker either. That makes me anxious too.

Let's talk about my last apartment, shall we? I moved into it under duress. I wanted to stay in the apartment I was in before that, my first real apartment in New York, but it's a long story and that wasn't feasible so there my sister and I were, needing to find an apartment or break up and she had a friend who was vacating this great apartment in the village and we went and looked at it and because I couldn't find anything else I said yeah, that's fine. But then before we pulled the trigger I began doubting the decision and was freaking out and begged a friend from work who was later my boyfriend, unless he was already my boyfriend at the time, to go look at the place with me. We did and he reassured me that it was a great place and I would be happy there.

Sadly it was a terrible place and I was miserable there.

Or rather, it was a pretty decent place but I wasn't happy there anyway. I never liked that apartment or that neighborhood. Also, there were mice. Oh my God, my couch looks like a big sheet of mice.

So I was thinking about all this this morning and thinking that if I'm having doubts about the couch, instead of letting myself be talked into it, I should just honor those doubts and not keep the damn thing and just wait until I find one I really feel good about.

But then sometimes I look at it and I like it.

And it's comfortable. It's really comfortable.

So then why not just get it in a different color?

Because that will take 12 weeks. And plus I'm trying to avoid having people remove it and bring in another one but I'm not sure why I'm trying so hard to avoid that. I mean, just because my idea of hell is moving furniture doesn't mean that someone whose job it is to move furniture feels the same way.

But still, I just feel like I'm doing it. That thing I do. I don't know what that thing I do is which makes it hard to know whether I'm really doing it, but I suspect I am. I mean, this feels very me in the extreme. I hate extreme me.

I'm also trying to see if it's possible to get slipcovers for this couch. I mean, I know you can order them from C&B for about a thousand dollars but for that much, I may as well just get a different couch.

Still reading? I'm sorry to put you through this. On the upside... um.... well okay technically there is no upside. Oh wait, I know! Today I saw a woman pushing two black poodles in a stroller!

Also, I'm aware there's a world that exists outside me and this couch. I find that annoying, too.

And then I see this photo and I like it again.

I also like ducklings.

Here I am not thinking about couches.


Derek_M said...

I'm fairly new to this blog so I want to be tactful.....but that thing looks like it was woven out of an elderly Koala Bear's pubes.

I would have to check with a theologian but I'm pretty sure that John of Patmos makes mention of that couch in the Book of Revelation.

In short, get rid of it before it swallows your soul.

Toddrod said...

I'll be more tactful than derek above....

it's a grandma couch!!!

I picture a little old lady playing crossword puzzles to be sitting on that thing.

Sorry, I still think you are quite awesome, Alison. Maybe this could be inspiration for you to write a book. You can title it The Grandma Couch and tell anecdotes of all your adventures on the grandma couch.


alison said...

Fabulous, a couch to reflect my youthful spirit!

Derek_M said...

Sorry, I still think you are quite awesome, Alison.

I must agree toddrod. She is very awesome, which makes the choice of such a monstrosity quite perplexing.

It is a chink in the armor of Alison's awesomeness.

Perhaps I shouldn't talk I type this I am sitting on an over sized and profusely padded pink place to park the posterior. (Forgive the alliteration....I read a Chesterton essay on it last night and I'm trying to stretch it to it's limits).

Scott said...

"..that thing looks like it was woven out of an elderly Koala Bear's pubes."

I was thinking it looks like it was woven with that gray/brown fur you see on those mammoth Rats they have in NYC :0

Seriously Alison, if it's really comfortable but you just don't like the color--since C&B is willing to take it back because it was damaged maybe you could work out a deal with them (to compensate you for your inconvenience) where they let you keep this one for the 12 weeks while a new one (with a color you really want) is being built(?)

On a happy aside, since you can't have pets in your new place but love dogs I think I found the perfect Christmas/Chanukah/Kwanzaa gift for you if you:

(batteries not included)

Anonymous said...

My response to your COuCh-OUCh:

"This story has as much wavering and indecision as that Meatloaf song "I'd do anything for love".Except there is no silly make-up, police cars, helicopters,a frightening house surrounded by graves, a piano intro, a room full of lesbians, a beautiful woman in a bath surrounded by a lot of candles, glass breaking,and a happy ending where you and the couch are escaping on a motorcycle involved .....

---Anonymous Comment

(I bet you would want your furniture to be floating like how it is in this video.And I guarantee you it's Rick-Rolled Free....)

Joe said...

The first thing, Alison, is that it doesn't matter what I or anyone else thinks. You have to go with what you want.

But it sounds like a classic case of Buyers Remorse. Wikipedia has a great entry about it:

My 2 cents (worth less than 2 cents) is that it isn't that bad. The couch by itself is one solid color so you have to add some more touches. Get more pillows like the white one and have them go the whole length of the couch. Don't use the brown pillows. Then maybe get a colorful afghan to throw over the back. Can you get an big, inexpensive picture to hang over the couch?

If the rug you're planning to get is going in front of the couch, it will make a difference - as will a coffee table.

I just think you need to dress it up more. And would you really be any happier with a different color, like White? Green? Blue? Burgundy? Avocado?

I also think you need more time to decide whether you truly like it. You're too focused on it right now. But, you know, in the end it's just a couch. Don't let it drive you crazy!!

Now.... according to your Twitter, you're going to the LA Auto Show next week! That's so exciting!!

When you finished doing the NYC Rooftop, I had a feeling MINI might call you back for other events. You're an excellent spokesmodel for them!!

I just went to the auto show's web site. It says it will run from Nov 21 to Nov 30. Are you going to be there the whole time? I could even see where the MINI exhibit is going to be in the LA Convention Center.

Very Exciting!!!

Brett Jones said...

Alison at the stand up contest: Radiant.

Cute yellow duck in hand: Well, cute.

Alison's new couch: Er, couchy?

It is a simple couch. It doesn't inspire me to create art or anything really, but you say it's super comfy and isn't that the point of a couch. A soft warm friend to settle your ass into and watch a little TV.

I'm more of a utility than a style person. The one couch that moved me was owned by my Grandfather. It was likely purchased around 1960. I was an L shaped sectional with really wide arm wrests and big feet under it. He called it a Davenport. I think it was the massive arm wrests that I did it for me, but calling it a Davenport was cool.

If you really want to exchange the couch, do it. Making yourself happy is nothing to be ashamed of.

Scott said...

I found a color match for the couch:

Toddrod said...

Is it just me, or is it kinda weird that Alison, who is a self described expert on celebrities, is getting advice on a couch from a bunch of dudes who probably wear black shoes with white socks?


todd said...

I feel as though, even if I've been silent lately, this is an issue upon which I have to weigh.

As usual I seem to be missing the entire point and am instead focused on the lamps in the pictures. They have white shades, and blend with the wall. This stands out to me.

Perhaps you need new lamps. I like the color of the couch, and maybe if you painted the frame of your glass door the same color, added some new lamp shades, put a picture up, and threw a throw rug on the floor things would come together a bit more for ya.

Maybe I'm wrong and that's only like giving someone with a horrible face a good haircut, but that's what I think when I see those pictures.


Brett Jones said...

Good point ToddRod. Alison needs more gay fans to help her out at times like these.