Sunday, November 02, 2008

Furniture Design Styles (tm)

I've been thinking a lot about Rachel Ashwell lately. She's the founder of a design style called Shabby Chic and she's made a fortune stuffing this frilly, distressed white-on-white style down the public's throat. I'm a member of that public, by the way. Today I sat in a shabby chic chair in the Shabby Chic store in Soho and had to agree with the sales girls: "It's like being hugged! It's like a big down hug! It's like a two thousand dollar hug!" What does a two thousand dollar hug feel like, you may be wondering? Like being embraced by a big marshmallow peep cloud, but not sticky, just soothing and warm and comforting. If my sister were worth two thousand dollars I would sell her and buy that chair, no offense Laura.

So then I was thinking that I should create my own design style and trademark it and write a bunch of books and sell DVDs and give ol' fussy Ashwell a run for her money. Here are some movements I'm thinking of trademarking:

Shabby Crappy
Crappy Chic
Crab Chic
Mid-Century Morbid
Oodles of Ribbons
Honk If You Love Wood Furniture
Bright Lights; Big Chaise Lounge
Squishy Washy
Fuck This Chair Is Hard


immolation4U said...

I dunno, None of them sound any good. Maybe it's just me, but I like the sound of " Butt Slut".
Trademark that line of seats, couches & electric toilet seat warmers if it doesn't already exist.

Anonymous said...

Quote of the Couch Cushion Concept:

"Speaking of sofas, I'm going through a Post Halloween Hangover. I think I got diabetes from all that candy. I just vomited on my Beehive hair-do that I fashioned to look like Amy Winehouse. No wait a minute, I am Amy Winehouse".

---Kind of scary, but the characters I just typed in to get this comment through spelled the word DYING.

Joe said...

I'm not much of an impulse buyer, but if I were walking through a store and saw a sign that said "The Alison Rosen Collection," I'd have to stop and buy something. I'd just have to.

And Shabby Crabby sounds perfect! Not that I'm very crabby, but like everyone else I have my days.

Speaking of which, CNN is still displaying that stupid countdown clock. AND they just had a story with the title "Looking Ahead to 2012". Grrrrrrrr... Where did I put those razor blades???

Brett Jones said...


We'll get at a minimum 24 months before the Presidential primaries start to dominate the news again. If god hates us it'll be more like 18 months.

I'm a political junkie, but I've had my fill for a while. If it wasn't going to be over in a day (please god, no repeat of 2000) I'd have to find a clock tower and a high powered rifle.

Scott said...

You could combine two of the different aforementioned suggestions and have...

'The Alison Rosen Butt Slut Collection'

I'd have that in every room in my house!!

Toddrod said...

I like the idea of the "Alison Rosen Butt Slut Collection" as well, but I'd have to lie to my parents if they ever asked me what type of furniture I bought. "Mom, I don't know what you are talking about! Butt Slut furniture?!? It's Ethan Allan."


peter wolfe said...

Well, no matter how comfortable the chair is, I ain't paying 2000.00. Esp. when they paid 200-300 and put a cover on it and charge that much. Then in a year when the freaking fluff is all gone you are stuck with something that resembles an old bean bag chair!! Now, I am not a Butt Shark, but your line is much more appealing. Change a few of those names and come up with "THE BUTT CONNECTION", by Alison M Rosen! The Butt Slut would be the top of the line model of course.

Joe said...

Here's an idea for the Butt Slut Collection:

Can you imagine having that in your home? Talk about a conversation starter!

immolation4U said...

LOL Joe, I agree, What a conversation starter. And, also it would come in handy when you need to discuss the birds and the bee's or childbirth with your youngens. Just throw a chihuahua in there and watch him scramble to get out, "and that is how babies are born, any questions? " lol