Tuesday, October 07, 2008

If I ran for president

You know in school how you learn about the famous Nixon/Kennedy debate where Nixon lost to that MTV VJ Kennedy because he was all hot media and Kennedy was cold media and understood TV and something about the color of ties?

Well if McCain loses and they trace anything back to this debate I think they will point out that he looks like a little old man when he walks around and that he would have done much better to have stood still while making his points instead of doddering around all grandpa like. I mean, he looks like my grandfather, who is dead. Lest I have not made my point, what I'm trying to say is that when he walks around, it's clear he is an old man. Granted, when I walk around it's clear I am an old man, which is why were I to run for president I would make sure to be rolled around in a wheelchair so as to appear youthful. Like a youthful FDR. "There is nothing to fear but fear itself, pull my finger!" I will say, as they roll me by. I will say this while puffing on a pipe and inventing alphabet soup agencies. "Polio?" they will whisper as I go flying down a hill in my shoddy wheelchair."But I thought polio was something from the past?" they will frown, as my wheelchair hits a divot and I am thrown into a tree. "Well, she's an old soul," someone will say, by way of explanation.

Am I mixing up my presidents? Well, you get the idea at least.


Brett Jones said...

Sometimes I think, "Alison needs a dog.", but I fear we'd miss out on gems like this post if she got one.

Toddrod said...

I'm afraid Alison would freak out every time she had to take a trip if she had a dog. What would she do with the dog. Dogs are a lot of responsibility, and you can't always just get a doggy sitter. What if the dog has gas or worse? What if Alison has gas or worse? Things to think about before buying a dog.


Anonymous said...

Quote Of The ToWN HaLL MeEting:

"Tax Credits....Healthcare..George Bush....He Was Wrong..He Was Right...Reagan...Kennedy....Tax Cuts on the Corporations...Gas Prices....Why Death Metal Growls Make You Feel Like Calling 911.....Education.........Does Guitar Hero Actually Helps You Play Real Guitar....Forums Vs Blogs..Does The Looks of Henry Waxman Urge You To Chant The Letters "M-I-C-K-E-Y M-O-U-S-E"...."

MAKE.....(Gas tank explosion.)....YOUR....(18-wheeler crashing and a girl holding a teddy bear is screaming for mommy as the truck is apporaching her.).....PICK...(Instrumentals for Seek And Destroy by Metallica is playing on the background while the truck further explodes into flames and a headless stuffed animal falls from the sky.)....

11/04/08 (Big Bold Letters Flashing the date on the screen which are pink as carnations rather than red like blood for those who are hemophobic. I said hemophobic , not the other word.)

(Sound of movie audience expressing positive opinion after seeing the trailer.One of the spectators said aloud "I gotta see that as well as the Chihuahua movie by George Lopez."....)


Joe said...

I didn't watch the debate for precisely the one-word reason that was the headline on the Drudge Report this morning... B O R I N G.

At this point the candidates are just repeating themselves. Even their zingers are old. Obama: "I think the wheels have fallen off the Straight Talk Express." I heard that one over a year ago. Maybe the candidates should hire NYC's Funniest Reporter to think up some new retorts.

But you're on to something, Alison. A handicapped candidate would be a major plus on either ticket. A wheelchair would be good or how about a wooden leg, a hook instead of a hand, or even a totally prosthetic head with bolts and other hardware for eyes, ears, etc.

Here's what I'm thinking 'bout: tinyurl.com/4bljsz

Oh Yeah... now that would feak out our enemies!

I don't mind when you go blue, Miss R, but I really love it when you go violet and can't get enough of you when you go lavender. And don't even ask what happens to me when you go apricot - just the thought makes me lose controfdkdfdstkoa)HH8 8IA-... 80798B)bpf-B xlknd-9(aaa