Tuesday, October 21, 2008

I need to write a book

I just do. I am too delightful and I know too many words to not have my delightfullness represented in an author photo and my words tucked between dust covers. I don't even need my words to be alphabetical. Or real!

But really, I am tired of going to Barnes & Noble and seeing all these books by all these people and not seeing any by me.

At the same time, I hate paper in general and yesterday I got this crazy papercut when I opened up an envelope containing fabric swatches and then I had to go hunting around my apartment for bandaids and it took forever to find one. That's what paper will do to you. It will cut you. In fact, if I drew cartoons for the New Yorker I would show an envelope saying to a woman who is about to open it, "I'll cut you, bitch." The envelope would be somehow made to look like it's in prison by the way. It would be a tough menacing envelope.

But anyway, what should I write about? I need something fun and easy that doesn't involve that much time or energy or hard work. You know, like a book I could write in the shower.

I'm joking. Kind of!

But really. Ideas? I mean, I could collect all my funny essays and some blog posts, that would be a damn good book, but it seems like a new idea would be better. I should probably clear that path to my door so more publishers can beat a path to it. Maybe I should also get a doormat that says "Welcome, publishers!"


Scott said...


Don't you remember--you keep your Band-Aids next to your VHS tapes in that Bucket you bought for mopping that you've never actually used for mopping. Besides, isn't that where everybody keeps them?

Seriously, I'm diggin' the idea of you writing a book--that's right up your stoop.

I see you writing one that's humorous in nature geared towards women. Something that numerous young women kinda like yourself could relate to and appreciate.

Just put your 'unique' observations to the same things all young woman see, feel and experience making the reader(s) laugh in the process and coming away feeling they're somehow NOT alone in all this and..VOILA best $eller! Kinda like a Cathy Cartoon of the literary nature. It could even be a series and Publi$hing is very lucrative.

Anyway, that's the two-cents from this Pseudo Business Manger...my cut of this project is 20% btw :)

My Aim Is True,


Brett Jones said...

I got two ideas.

First, if you're looking to make a quick buck and do something funny, I'd suggest a mostly fictional, tell all comedy based on the people of Red Eye. There is a market ready made for it plus you're a loved regular guest with a huge following at the activity pit. I think it would sell well and I hear those damn publishers want to actually sell books. Advertising it would be easy.

I'm waiting for the day someone makes a RedEye cartoon aired on
adult swim. I envision it all taking place during the time the show's not on the air. The silly on air persona's are how the characters really are after the show. Greg with the house boys spouting off right wing ideology, Bill living the life of a lesbian, Andy the sullen crazy cat guy.

The other idea is humorous but more of a AMR centric audience. It would be a book of the ever popular "If I drew cartoons for the New Yorker" ideas. You'd need to hire an illustrator though and the New Yorker may be a problem.

:-D Shea said...

Write it! & Publish it!

Illustrator: http://www.libertarianleanings.com/ Check out Chris Muir
Publishing: https://www.createspace.com/Products/BooksOnDemand.jsp

Toddrod said...

I have a great idea for a book that I can see you as the author, Alison. However, I wouldn't dare share that subject here. I'll let you know some other way.


Joe said...

I think you definitely have a book in you Miss R. Maybe several. You could obviously write a lot about all of your experiences and about pop culture.

My suggestion would be to talk to some publishers and get their ideas. They can tell you what's selling and what they're currently looking for. A lot of people at Fox have written books - they could tell you who to call. Steve Doocey's recent book was published by William Morrow. Brian Kilmeade's was published by Harper Entertainment.

You don't want to spend a lot of time putting something together and then find out it's not what publishers want.

But yes, I think a book is an excellent idea!!