Saturday, June 14, 2008

It's storming in NYC right now

I just literally jumped from the thunder. Then I did a double axel, since I was already in the air, and I landed in the splits. I held it for a few extra seconds, breathing hard but making sure to smile at the judges, particularly that hard-hearted Olga who, well, let's just put it this way, she's... no, I'm just going to say it: She's a bitch. I met her once at a cocktail party for the Seoul Olympics and she just gave off bad vibes. Like, get over yourself, Olga. You think you're so fancy because you invented the figure skate? You think you're all that because you survived a horrible cartwheel accident that left your partner in a coma? You think you're so high and mighty because Oprah featured your book "Skating with God; My Life on the Rocks" on her show? Well I don't think so, Olga. Now if you'll excuse me, I have freezer burn on my legs.


Anonymous said...

Quote of the Stormy Skates:

"Olga's legs have worked so hard in her skating. Perhaps we should give both of them a break if you know what I mean !!!"

----Shane "Kerrigan Klubber" Stant

Joe said...

Yeah, that Olga seems like such a tramp. She thinks she's better than us. I'd rather watch a Shamwow commercial than her - and you know how much I hate Shamwow. (I recently ordered a Shamwow just so I could rip it in half.)

By the way, Alison, I gave you a 9.5 on your double axel. The jump itself was flawless, but you didn't really "stick" the landing.
I recommend sticking to triple toe loops and double salchows - those are really your bread and butter moves.

And I look forward to seeing you at the 2010 Winter Olympics in Vancouver. You could be the very first Pop Culture Expert to win a figure skating gold medal! The figure skating community is all abuzz about it.

Before you know it, you'll be doing figure skating commentary with Dick Button. And then YOU TOO could have a drinking game named after you:

Rbastid said...

That thunder has now provided me with the most degrading moment of my life.

I have a Jack Russel and he's shit scared of thunder, thus he decided to join me in the shower after one of those big crackles, now I can't look him in the eyes.

You should have found a way to have a nice live video blog to report on the downpour we had to deal with, and then the clearing, and then the downpour, yeah that was kinda odd.