Friday, May 30, 2008

The problem with New York

even when you clean it still looks dirty. To wit: I just cleaned my whole bathroom and now it looks ready to be cleaned. This is the second apartment I've had this problem in. Guess I should probably start just using the toilet like everyone else.

Disgusting! That is totally disgusting and I can't believe I would even joke about it. Well, actually I can, but you can't.

But see that's the thing with these charming old apartments. They have years of charming old grime stuck in all the corners. If you remove it your walls might literally crumble and you'll be living in the middle of a quaint pre-war rubble heap. The stories this grime could tell!

Also, I miss dishwashers and garbage disposals and I think my neighbors are getting tired of me peeling my carrots out the window.

Fine, I don't really do that. The last carrot I peeled was months ago in California anyway, not that what I do or don't do with vegetables is really germane to the discussion of bathrooms.

So I guess what I'm trying to say is if you watch me on Red Eye tonight, please note the way my bathroom is very clean.


Rbastid said...

I had a feeling that you ment the city itself. Sort of how when it rains you'd expect it to clean things up, but we end up just getting like a big Pee soup in the streets, and everything gets a funny smell.

You need to bring your toilet or garbage can to the RedEye set, let it be a decoration, like Keri's Dad's ashes.

Today's Word verification word: Dcotukra, which I believe is a sex book I have.

Joe said...

Imagine what Greg's basement/activity pit must look like! I doubt he cleans it very often - if ever.

There was a story in the news the other day about a guy falling through the floor at a place in Coney Island. Sounded pretty nasty.

Here, I was able to find it:

It looks like a good lineup on RE tonight, although I'm not a huge fan of Johnathan Hoenig. But they gave him a lot of crap the last time he was on, so it might be fun!

Anonymous said...

Quote of the bathroom joke:

"If you want to read a very inspiring bathroom chronicle, why not go to your nearest Borders and buy my new book."

-Sen. Craig

Beard said...

I always enjoy when you show up on Red Eye. I work a late 2nd shift so Red Eye is the only show I watch regularly. You are not only really beautiful, you are awesomely funny. The show would be so much better if you were on every show.

Joe said...

Awesome show last night - great job Alison! I think it was one of the best all-around shows in a long time. All the guests were great and the topics were all good.

I didn't realize your sister is in law school, Alison. That's exciting! I wish her the best of luck.

So while watching the show, I realized that the next time they make a caveman movie in Hollywood, they need to cast Jonathan Hoenig. I'm serious. Just mess up his hair a little and throw a bear skin over his shoulder and WHAM - we're talking 1 million years b.c. With his prominent eyebrows and big ears, he's the perfect cromagnum.

I'm tempted to make a Homo Erectus joke, but that would just be too easy. And it doesn't seem appropriate for a Saturday morning. Check back with me on Tuesday...


Ted from Accounting said...

Ted is heading to Big Bear in like 2 min. but I wanted to quickly get my 2 cents in! You were great last night! Damn the show goes so smooth when you are in studio and the guest chemistry is good! You looked amazing, comfortable and were totally a "confident funny!" If that last part made sense!

Alison - A++

Greg - A

Jonathan - A

Bill - A+

Blond Girl - A-

Body Language Girl - B

Casual Andy - D-

Someday those Red Eye Execs will realize how important to the show you really are! Until then, my daily email to them will have to suffice!

RosenFan#1 Out!

Anonymous said...

You looked great and did a great job (on RedEye).-Chris M.