I feel like I'm in a dream

because there is a thread over on The Activity Pit called "Alison Rosen's hair" and it's not entirely flattering—what's up with the way it poofs out unnaturally—did I overdo it with the hairspray? Is it dry?—and I can't quite explain why this intense follicular scrutiny makes me feel like I'm in a dream but it does. I think because I've joked so much about being obsessed with my hair that to be confronted with the way others are splitting hairs over it (get it? nothing to get here, move along) is strangely gratifying/disturbing.

But see, I feel I shouldn't comment in the thread itself, yet if I don't comment I'll simply die! So here goes:

Yes, I wear a wig and extensions. In fact, under my long black hair is a blond pageboy. Under that is a mousy brown choirboy. My head is like a series of Russian nesting dolls.

The poofing you're noticing is a result of teasing. Before I go on air the hairstylist shouts taunts at my head. "Is that your hair or did your neck throw up?" is my favorite.

Teasing or back-combing is how "anchor hair" is achieved. Not that I sit in the chair and request anchor hair, however I've noticed that I definitely prefer my hair with some poof in it. Otherwise it's too flat, which is just no good on TV. In real life though, it's pretty flat.

I don't dye my hair. It's naturally black. Truthfully. Don't make me rip out a hair and show you the root because I so will. As proof I submit my mom and my sister, both of whom also have black hair.

I do straighten my hair though.

I guess that's really all I have to say at this time.