Monday, March 31, 2008

Things I would rather do than clean my room

1. Stare at the mess

2. Write a blog post in list form

c. Entertain myself by going back and forth between numbers and letters

IV. Okay, now that's going too far.

V. I said too far. Roman numeral humor is only funny to marble statues.

6. Listen to music (New Pornographers right now)

7. But I could totally clean while listening to music. That was the original plan.

8. To be fair, I did clean off my desk.

9. But some of it just got relocated to my bed.

10. Did I ever tell you that after college I slept for a number of months on a bed with a drawer full of crap sitting on one corner of the bed? It's because we took the drawer out of the desk to make room for a filing cabinet or something, and didn't have anywhere to put the drawer, so I set it on the bed and just learned to work around it. Also, at this time I had one of those wooden duck phones a la Silver Spoons that quacked when it rang—also its eyes lit up— but it didn't sound like a duck. It sounded like Satan. It was really terrible. Anyway, I remember I was talking on the duck phone, sitting on the bed with the drawer nearby, setting up an interview for Rolling Stone or something and anyway I remember Wendy visited me that day and she said "Do you think anyone, when they're talking to you, pictures you working in this environment?"

11. Okay, she didn't say "environment" but that was the gist. And no, I don't think they realized. I also don't think people knew how young I was when I started. Except that I was really nice/eager, which gets beaten out of you quick.

12. Not me, I'm still nice/eager, except when I'm a total hardened bitch, but I mean, it gets beaten out of you.

13. No drawer on my bed today though. So you see: progress.

14. I've been in better moods.

15. I've also been in worse.

16. I have a lot of cords. And a lot of little thingies that I doubt I'll ever use. Like do I need these various international plugs for my blackberry charger? I don't think so. But it's not like I can just throw them out, you know? Because you know what happens when you throw them out? You wake up in Paris without a cell phone cursing the last time you cleaned your room. Not making THAT mistake again.

17. I met Mo Rocca this morning. I was having a breakfast meeting, because that's how I do, and the guy I was meeting knew Mo Rocca and anyway I was introduced and I said "I'm a fan," because I am, and Mo seemed genuinely touched at my fandom. At my fanship? It's interesting because were I Mo I would probably say something like "As well you should be" or something equally obnoxious.

18. Actually, that's not true. Sometimes I say stuff like "Oh my Gosh, thanks!" but then this one time I got trapped at a party by someone who told me I was funny and I said "Oh my Gosh, thanks!" and then the person was like "what, are you surprised to find out you're funny? you sound like you don't think you are!"

19. It was an aggressive sort of complementary encounter.

20. I know I'm funny.

21. Perhaps not in this list.

22. The music stopped.

23. Mess still messy.

24. But I do feel we've gotten to know each other a bit better.

25. Don't you?

26. Sorry, can't hear you, thinking about myself again.

27. My sister had a barking dog phone, which also didn't sound like a dog. When the phone rang in that house, it sounded like the caterwauling of the undead.

28. If the undead sounded vaguely like a dog and a duck.

29. The title of this post makes me sound 14.

30. Which is cool. Young is in.

31. Okay, I should really find new procrastination music.


Mr. Ricardo said...

I understand your situation. I have a pile of mystery clothes(clean or dirty?)that I move from my computer chair to my bed and then from my bed to the chair at night. I put more energy into moving this scary growing pile of clothes around than I should.

I figure if I photo edit on my laptop in the living room, then my room isn't really dirty at that moment. And that works for me.

Joe said...

No wait - don't clean your room yet. Help me ponder this...

Why is it that people are so often described as colors? Like if you're feeling down, you're blue. If you're feeling great, you're in the pink.

If you're jealous, you're green with envy. If you're scared, you're yellow.

A person who doesn't have enough money to pay their bills is in the red. But assuming you have money in the bank - yep, you're in the black. And when you're embarrassed, you might be red-faced.

Don't be too friendly with the boss or you might be labelled a brown-noser (we all know where THAT term comes from.)

And then a person who's shy might be called a shrinking violet - but I'm not sure if that refers to the flower or the fact that violet is the shortest visible wavelength of light. More research needed!

Ted from Accounting said...

Shit, I don't even know where to start with this post! She has all of you guys fooled...there are like 5 maids cleaning the crap out of her room while she is sitting in a jacuzzi tub, drinking wine, barking orders at them and posting from her Blackberry! You don't fool me Miss Rosen...I could totally be a detective!

Anonymous said...

Is cleaning your room so bad? You live in NYC, don't you? Isn't your room really small? Dang, I am being such a hater today! Sorry!


Kimberly said...

Moved into a new apartment a month ago...
Just a few days ago I emptied out giant suitcase and left it on my floor. It had been used to tote random articles from A to B. Then, just a couple of days ago, I emptied the clothing packed in a box into the now empty suitcase - which is no longer empty and still sitting on my bedroom floor.
It's all quite pathetic and I resent you for bringing this topic up, Alison.

Pow said...

Sounds more like it's time to move that clean. I always hear people say Spring Cleaning. Yeah right. I'll grab a truck and a couple of my friends, we'll have you in a new place in a few hours. Ready to go.
New business plan. Spring Movers. "Dont't Clean. Move! Call POW-MOVE. You won't be sorry"

Brent said...

Things that Disappoint Me About This List:

1. That you are not content in living within the confines of your own filth.

2. That only marble statues laugh at Roman Numeral jokes - therefore I must said statue.
3. You listen to New Pornographers in your free time (if you were paid to review I would understand).

4. That the ringer function on the Silver Spoons Wooden Duck Phone sounds like Satan.

5. You cleaned off your desk...what happened to all of the scribbled post-it-notes with half-scratched phone numbers and unintelligible "To Do Lists" from 13 weeks ago, disappear to?

6. That you're not a hardened bitch...I like to expect the best out of people.

7. You've been in better moods.

8. We've gotten to know each other a little better - I'm a fan of cold and disconnected relationships that never delve beyond the superficial disappointing. That means I will not be able to call you tomorrow.

9. The barking function on the dog phone sounded like a duck.

10. You are 14. That means I have to answer for those e-mails I sent you to Chris Matthews.

:-D Shea said...

I have several messy rooms, reading your blog has kept me from making any progress. Please write more as soon as you can.