Saturday, March 22, 2008

My side of the fashion debate

I'm quite certain there's a way to make this look better, but I'm not sure what it is. Anyway, if you click on the wee little column of text, it'll get bigger and then you can luxuriate in my prose which is totally what you're wanting to do.


Mr. Ricardo said...

I figured if I put on headphones, opened a book and worked on my laptop people would not talk to me on a flight but as you know this doesn't seem to work. Your idea sounds very promising, only I don't wear make up. I think if I did wear make up NO ONE would make eye contact. So I see how this could work for me.

Anonymous said...

Jet planes are primitive star trek transporters and as such, your molecules get unsorted and sorted. Loose cotton for shore.

I thought Page Six went under? -hu

Joe said...

You need to be comfortable when you fly these days. There's a better than even chance your flight will be delayed or cancelled - no telling how long you might be stuck there.

Since this post is about travel, I thought you all might enjoy these words that have been adapted for the travel industry. None of these are original - I compiled them last year, eiother finding them on the internet or hearing them from others.

Gabbin pressure: n. sense of obligation to chat to the passenger next to you during a flight.

Sluggage n. Luggage that always seems to come out of baggage claim last.

Sary-on n. A piece of luggage that’s clearly too big to fit into a plane’s overhead compartment

Inebridate v. to arrange a rendezvous with a person on an airline flight when one or both of you have had a few too many. Can cause severe damage to your liver and self-esteem.

Virtual victuals n. an airline meal comprised entirely of crumbs found in the seatback pocket underneath the ditching card. Usually eaten in desperation after a 6-plus hour delay on an airport runway.

Travelanche n. the state of affairs when one little thing goes wrong and then everything snowballs toward disaster (“It started as a minor delay in Seattle and ended up a full-blown travelanche with lost luggage, bad airport food, and severe intestinal problems.”)

Touron n. tourist + moron (“Don’t even bother with the Louvre on a Saturday. It’s overrun with tourons.”)

Jackson gallon n. a unit of measurement used by car rental firms when topping off gas tanks. Named after the U.S. President on the $20 bill (“Wow, that customer’s car needed 3 Jackson gallons.”)

Bin-itis n. a chronic condition caused by falling baggage from an airplane's overhead storage compartment.

Fight dependent: n. a fellow passenger flying solo who turns to you in search of company, a drinking partner or a date.

Ignition Confusion n. disorienting inner ear condition caused by starting a rental car with the radio adjusted to the maximum volume by the cleaning staff.

Arm Restle n. the ongoing battle waged with your airplane seatmate over the middle armrest. Tactical maneuvers include ‘elbogarting’ (slow advance of the elbow to gain ground) and ‘recline and conquer’ (capturing the armrest during feigned or actual sleep).

Mathzheimer’s n. the inability to calculate a foreign exchange rate without the use of a calculator.

Frequent liar n. Someone who boasts incessantly about traveling to places he or she has never been

Deflydrated adj. Word used to describe the dried-up, greenish appearance of post-flight skin

John the Laptist n. the guy in front of you who reclines his seat until his head is in your lap

Screamese n. The loud form of English used by some travelers when speaking to foreigners

Heirport n. On-the-spot, private airport created in a remote location to accommodate very rich travelers

Jet Hag n. An overly-dressed, overly-perfumed woman desperately in search of an in-flight companion

Business Ass n. A guy who shows up at the airport in his best suit thinking it will help get him an upgrade

Boreplay n. The worst kind of foreplay at an airport or hotel which rarely, if ever, leads to anything more interesting

Joe said...

I almost forgot to tell you how much I enjoyed Page Six today, Alison. It's something I really look forward to every week.