Monday, March 24, 2008

Do I amuse you?

Do I make you laugh? Is this funny to you? Do you find me humorous or perhaps humourous, if you're 'across the pond'? Because I assure you that is not my intention. I'm trying to communicate my deep psychic wounds, people. I am serious as a heart attack. Okay, maybe not that serious, but certainly on the level of acid reflux, which many people mistake for a heart attack. It's tough to tell the difference, you know. So what I'm saying is that I'm serious as GERD, which is no laughing matter, so if you find yourself laughing at my blog it's probably because you have no empathy and you yourself have never experienced the kind of heartburn you get after a night of drinking 151 and hanging out with cheap whores and smoking cigars and wearing clown suits. No, I have never done such things and I thank you to keep your assumptions to yourself. When you make an assumption you make an ass out of you and mption.

Anyway, I guess I just wanted to set the record straight. The echoes of jackhammers are still in my head. The faint insanity-producing drone. Oh: here's a list! A list of things I'm not in!

Things I'm not currently "in":

quicksand
a quagmire
"style," more or less
a good mood
a pickle
a tar pit
a sports arena
the desert
a good place vis a vis myself and the universe
a time machine
a phase of my life where I care to eat Borscht
an airplane
the running to become America's Next Top Model
"the money"
"the pink"
"the red"
my blue period

6 comments:

Brett Jones said...

Risking physical injury, I'd have to go with YES, you to amuse me. Sometimes more that others but overall, yes.

Anonymous said...

Your awesome. Get back on Red Eye ASAP!

todd said...

Hmmm, was I not supposed to laugh at your misfortune and daily strugglings? If I hold back I may squirt Mt. Dew through my nose, which is far worse than acid reflux, and horrible for any plastic clown nose I may or may not be wearing.

Anonymous said...

I noticed that you did not include in your "i'm not in" list...

love...

Can I read into it? Am I cruel for noticing this?

Toddrod

Pow said...

A blog isn't always meant to be humo(u)rous is it? When it's funny I laugh. When it's not I don't.
I have GERD, Or is it ARD. I can never remember. I don't have to take TUMS here though. Because of it ironically I can't eat borscht, but I digress.
Whichever way the blog goes, I'm here with it. I can relate to it. It is your's and we're guests.
Example: Would one go to someone's home/apt. and say hey you're not making me laugh? If so then don't go to that person's home, right? Also a time machine would so rock. If I can come up with one later I'll let ya know.

Joe said...

"a night of drinking 151 and hanging out with cheap whores and smoking cigars and wearing clown suits."

Shame on you - you've been peeking in my living room window again!

Here are some other things you aren't in:
in-articulate
in-dignant
in-hibited
in-breed
in-capable
in-destructible
in-candescent
in-florescent
in-sectivorous
in-artistic
in-cendiary
in-frared
in-choate
in-decent (at least most of the time)
in-dentured
in-corrigible
in-harmonious
in-ert
in-ferior
in-furiating

(Disclaimer: Although you brightly shine on Red Eye, technically you really aren't in-candescent.)