Sunday, February 24, 2008

What It's Like When a Big Celebrity Visits The Gym

Some people are probably wondering if the fame is going to my head so I'm writing the following to assure you that I'm exactly the same as before. I still have my assistant put on my pants one leg at a time.

What It's Like When A Big Celebrity Visits The Gym

So I'm at the gym right now, working on my already amazing physique (just calling it as I see it because it's humbling to be honest and it keeps me grounded to remember where I came from: an above average background in every sense, again just having the courage to be honest). People are being really cool and not mobbing me. In fact they respect me so much, which I really appreciate, that they aren't even acting like they recognize me at all from my many accomplishments in a number of areas which I would detail for you here but I don't want you to think I'm bragging.

I mean, here is the thing, when you are possessing as many natural talents as I am you really learn quickly that you have to be careful to come across as humble, like by reminding people you're humble, because otherwise you run the risk of people thinking you believe your own hype (even if its true as it is in my case), which brings me back to my point about how I really have the best fans because they're just letting me work on my award-winning body in peace. I don't even hear any whispering.

Actually, when I took a cell phone call on the treadmill earlier people were whispering because they probably recognized my voice from my extensive voiceover work in feature films and commercials. Well actually I guess I should say that I didn't take a call, I placed one, to my manager, calling her back. Or rather following up on a call I'd placed earlier. To someone I want to be my manager. About getting some voiceover work. Have you heard my voice? If you were anywhere in the vicinity of the gym when I fell off the treadmill because I got distracted when I was dialing, you probably did. And thank you for looking the other way. Yes I could have used a hand getting back up, and a band-aid (the bleeding wasn't profuse, a few stitches and I was as good as new) but I can see where you would be afraid to approach a big celebrity who has injured herself because you don't want to embarrass her. But honey it takes worse things than that to embarrass me.

I remember when I had a role as 'atmosphere' (but atmosphere that was super important to moving the plot line forward. In fact the director told me that I was like the best he'd ever seen at looking like I was actually in a restaurant drinking a cappuccino) in a big Hollywood blockbuster and my pants fell off, okay yes I actually took them off, it's a long story but I've been to rehab since which was also humbling and I'm hoping to publish my courageous tale of courage and bravery in the face of being humbled and then maybe a reality show, who knows!!!! :)

So where was I? Oh yeah, I was saying that when famous people like me and brit and linds and my good friend scarlett who sent me an email earlier today (asking me to stop emailing her, I assume because she wants me to just call) go out in public to premieres or awards shows or the gym, it can be really tough because we get mobbed so that's why I feel fortunate that people are just treating me like a 'regular person' (sounds so gay to say that!!!! Right?' LOL ;) wait not gay bad! :) don't you put words in my mouth! okay and anyway—

Okay I seem to have fallen again. Don't worry, I'm okay. Thank you for not drawing attention. It's humbling. It kinds of hurts though. Does anyone know if legs are supposed to bend this way? Anyone? Hello? A celebrity needs help here!

(Note to my parents who sometimes worry: I am actually at the gym. I didn't really fall. The above is satire. This disclaimer is humbling.)
Sent from my Verizon Wireless BlackBerry


Gary said...

Obviously you are going to the wrong gym. You need to visit my gym in LA where I promise to follow you around drooling like a Labador retriever with a head cold. I will even point you out to the other gym members who will be happy to ignore you because they are busy watching Pais Hilton woking her glutes with her personal trainer or trying to fight off Jeff Goldbloom's advances.

Joe said...

Maybe next week you should do a Page Six article about how Talking Heads work out. "The Talking Head with a Kick-Ass Body." I see a cover story in your futue, Alison!

By the way, I got the LAST New York Post at the store this morning. At least it was the last one they had on the stand - which is amazing since I was there at like 8:10. I'll have to get there a little earlier next week. It was the first newspaper I bought in more than 2 years. The local paper here, The Burlington Free Press, is trash. As Morty Seinfeld would say: "Pinko Commie Rag."


Pow said...

Whew! That blog entry had everything. Drama, comedy, terror (when we thought you fell).
"I laughed. I cried. It was better than Cats. "

And all from a Blackberry. Now that's talent! I can't do that much on a giant keypad. Remember that scene in Big when they dance on the keyboards? That's kinda how Big my computer keypad is. I still make typos.
Yes I'm on a movie kick. It's Oscar day.

Ted from Accounting said...

I love your honesty! I think I've finally met the female version of myself! Could we just hold hands and bask in how great we are while tossing grapes at each other? I'm sure the everyone will be glad to fan us with some palm leaves.

Ok, you talked me into it...I will be your manager!

Alayna said...

Oh, I enjoyed that so much. I'm at work, can't laugh loud (or at all), so tears were actually coming...tear was coming out of my eye from holding back the laughter. Thanks. Onto the word verification.