Tuesday, January 08, 2008

planning for my golden years

[UPDATE: The following was a real chat with an old Orange County friend, not someone I'm dating. I thought it was amusing. I should have clarified because I can see how if you read it thinking it's someone I'm currently in a relationship with it would appear to be a raw deal as opposed to what it was: just a friendly future marriage proposal.]

him:
if you're 40 and still not married AND you just happen to move back to the OC, call me

me: are you offering to be my backup?
him: yes, in fact, i am
me: or are you suggesting that I would be
your backup
him: no no no. i have no desire to get married (right now). but when you get old n stuff...eh, maybe..
me: yeah, old n stuff
him: the real question here is: do you want children? and by children, i mean - a small yardwork workforce
me: yes I do. I'm glad we're getting all this out of the way before I turn 40
him: you are running out of time
me: thank you

8 comments:

Anonymous said...

Ahhh, the ancient art of seduction. In this particular pseudo conversation, which I ass/u/me that's what it was. You never did commit to the idea. How slippery of you. Or perhaps this was a conversation between you and your invisible friend Gwedo. Man, I sure do make alot of leaps here. Notice how I used the English rule of using a masculine figure when not knowing what the acutal gender is? That's in your wheel house...

I also made a deal with a girl last year, same deal, age and everything. If I'm lyin' I'm dyin. We made the pact, and shortly thereafter we consemated the deal. By that I mean we fornicated. I did myself a favor by doing this because....how can I put this.... We weren't compatible. And now we don't speak at all. We couldn't even remain F**k buddies it was that bad. I mean, I don't mind a little direction, but my God, it's hell taking direction from someone with A.D.D.... Okay, I know it's terribly wrong to laugh at your own jokes, but that was funny as hell...
This post is rated NC-17.
Fin.

Michael.
La.

Anonymous said...

P.S. Do you know if you type in google on Google it has approx. 1,470,000 hits? Those pompous bastards! I didn't do it intentionally, it was by happenstance. yyyyyyyYYYYYESSSS! I finally got a word in that I wanted to use in a sentence. All the stars are now alligned.
Fin.

Michael.
La.

spaceagent said...

Wait.. wait.. wait... was this a real conversation??

"i have no desire to get married (right now). but when you get old n stuff...eh, maybe.."

That's pretty insulting. So MAYBE when you're "old" (over 40???) and haven't found anyone, he'll CONSIDER marrying you? Well that's awfully nice of him! It's a helluva deal. I would expect a marriage like that to have a half-life of about 87 milliseconds. (Although if he's really rich, you could go for a big divorce settlement.)

Don't get stuck with this *BLEEP* There are plenty of better men out there. Guys drying out in the drunk tank at the local jail would be a step up.

BTW, Alison, 40 year old women are pretty dang sexy. Don't let anyone tell you different.

Anonymous said...

to last night's four truths and a lie is C. I don't collect puppets. Congrats to all those who got it right and to those of you know came thisclose but then missed it, better luck next time!

Okay, this was one of Alison's previous posts. verbatim...Why am I showing this you ask? Not to worry I'm going to explain.. If you will notice the words, (thisclose) are next to one another for a reason. If you'll re-read it you'll see that it illustrates how "close" you were. That's the best I can explain it.
That is subtlety at it's finest.

I'm surprised at myself that I didn't catch this at first glace. I need to hone my skills better.
Better late than never.
Fin.

Michael.
La.

Anonymous said...

This is gonna be out of order if you follow the time-line. The weather just got better. But, that's not what I want to talk about. Since you mentioned it, relationship is like a 4 letter word to me, but it's not,cause it has 12. Anyhoo, for me personally, I enjoy the single life. It has alot of perks, such as,.....hmmm, my mind just went blank. Maybe this is a sign that I need to learn to appreciate 12 letter words more. Even 13 if you add an "s."
Fin.

Michael.
La.

Anonymous said...

And speaking of "chatting." That reminds me. Whenever I power-up my yahoo messenger thingie, there is always this barage of porno sites. What's bad is, they address me by my first name,and you don't even have the ability to message them back. This is an injustice,and they claim to be my friends. The only power I have is to label them as Spam©. (cha-ching.) I say there should be a better system in place like the National Do Not Call list.
Fin.

Michael.
La.

Ted from Accounting said...

Without the update...you might have lost half your bloggers! LOL

Just kidding! Her eyes are up there...Her eyes are up there!

Anonymous said...

Her eyes are up there...Her eyes are up there!

lol. Alison said something like that on Red Eye one time didn't she?

Chris B.