Friday, May 15, 2009

Seasons of chickenhood

Earlier tonight I saw my age written down somewhere and thought, "I'm sure as hell no spring chicken," because that's how I talk to myself and then I started wondering why you never tell anyone they're a spring chicken when they are in fact a spring chicken? You're never like, "You're just a spring chicken!" Instead you tell them they're whippersnappers or young'uns or babies or annoying ambitious assholes who are too young to be acting so entitled. You know? And yet a whole season or more of spring chickenhood will pass by and the person will only discover that they never appreciated their state of young chickenhood until it's too late, and they are no longer ripe and are instead mature and long in the beak, their feathers thinning and their comb flopping over and their chicken feet looking worse for the wear and no longer lucky. "Don't tell Gladys, but she's no longer laying eggs, she's just sitting on rolled up socks," they'll cluck to eachother in the henhouse when your name is Gladys and you sit on socks waiting for them to hatch. Personally I never count my socks, but that's because I put them all in one basket.

Anyway, just wanted to share some late night thoughts about chickens.


greg said...

too much talking. not enough sharing. : )

tvkiii said...

Your nuts! I love it!

anthony0358 said...

You are exactly 6 years older than
Diana Falzone and you are 6 years younger than Anna David

All three of you will be forever young!

Thanks so much for making me laugh!

Toddrod said...

What bout when the chickens come home to roost? Didn't you just go home? Did you roost in California? Oh wait, your home is in NYC now. Are you roosting now, Alison?


Joe said...

Oh Alison, you'll ALWAYS be our little spring chicken!

Glad to hear the stand up went well. No photos? Sad face time.

I liked Trapp's question, 'How can I get the government to bail me out?'

The answer is to start a business and hire every unemployed person in your state. Every single one of them. Instantly you're 'too big to fail' and the government will bail you out. They don't want all those people back on the unemployment rolls!

The downside is they'll also fire you, close 25% of your dealerships, regulate the salaries of all the employees, make you declare bankruptcy, and raise your business taxes.

Seems like there's always a downside.

Brett Jones said...

Alison. I'm curious if you got the message(s) from me RE you're birthday present from Ted, Todd, Joe and myself?

I sent them as DM's via twitter.

There's some baked, sugary love at a local bakery waiting for you to pick up.

The gift certificate is under your name.

Brett Jones said...

I'm only commenting because the word verification is "rasest".

Why in the world is calling me horrible names??

Anonymous said...


Trapp said...

Too much sharing. Not enough talking.

Yes. You are nuts. In a spring chicken-y sort of way.

I never knew there was this strange 666 thing going on with the ladies. I predict a History Channel documentary in between the UFO and Holy Grail conspiracies.

Now I feel bad that I didn't get you any baked goods, or do anything in honor of your birthday.

Oh wait, yes I did. I didn't come to your gig. I spared you my insufferable presence.

Happy Birthday!!!

Robert said...

Holy crap you are old.