Thursday, April 16, 2009

Things to do on 4/20 if you don't smoke pot or celebrate Hitler's bday

1. Eat an appropriate amount of Doritos
2. Hang out with your Jewish friends
3. Not buy Visine
4. Remember what you were about to say
5. Not make surreptitious calls to Argentina
6. What's hackysack?
7. Not clean up bongwater
8. Not cut into a delicious swasticake
9. Ok I give up, these are all just going to be "not" things now
10. Not speak in German
11. I mean really, you'd think I would be able to turn them around so they could be actions
12. Not goosestep
13. Not say "this soap smells funny and feels weird"
14. Not run out of corn nuts
15. I mean, this is hardly funny anymore. It's just... predictable
16. Assemble without a lookout, not in a bunker
17. I hate myself
18. Not watch Discovery Channel

9 comments:

Joe said...

Who doesn't celebrate Hitler's birthday?

Every April 20 I march down to the local beer hall and try to organize a putsch.

Anonymous said...

For one thing, it is in very bad form to associate 4/20's joyous celebration of higher consciousness through cannibis with Hitler, but since you are a hot Jewess comedian, you are forgiven. For another, ah, well, anyway, I had one good point, didn't I? Party down!

PUGMEISTER said...

ON 4/20...I TAXI TO CHILI'S AND DRINK AMERICAN BEER ALL DAY......

Anonymous said...

HEY ! My birthday is on 4/20 and no I'm not Hitler.

Toddrod said...

I cringed when I read #13...

Does Alison NOT know she's kinda Jewey? (maybe not)

Toddrod

Miguel said...

Hahaha.. Number 18... Planet Earth. Coolest show to not watch not on pot not on...4/20??

Let me leave the "not" jokes to Allison.

Goldgrinch said...

Today I dreamt of a world where we can waterboard Hitler 23 hours a day..7 days a week. Then I watched six hours of Beevis & Butthead DVD's...eight four cans of pringles...stared at my lava lamp for an hour...munched on some 'crunch a munch'...got up off the couch and went to the bathroom (for exercise)..then to the kitchen for a bag of shredded cheese (I can't believe I ate the whole thang)...back to the coach (to rest)...watched TV for an hour till I realized it wasn't on. Then dreamt of doing something real...like someday trying pot.

Miguel said...

Wow... Goldgrinch, your comment got emailed to me...

And I have to say... You are the man.

That day sounded like an awesome fantasy of just: all day lazy-adventuring munchy eating tv-watching-marathon'ing craze fest going on in your living room..

Too bad I don't smoke pot either.
:P

Take care bro. Wish my my 4/20 next year turns out similar to yours..

Goldgrinch said...

Miguel,

Thanx for the kind words.

Unfortunately it wasn't a lazy day at home..... but just another Monday at the office (well I am self-employed).

Happy 420 to you!!