Friday, February 13, 2009

I'm on Red Eye on Monday--wait, no I'm not.

Remember how I was going to be on Red Eye tonight? Well shit happens, things change, people disappoint you. I mean, grow up, you babies. What, you think I can spoon feed you air dates forever? I have to go to France to find myself! Maybe I'll grow my hair out and burn my bra and burn the turnips I've been making for supper every single night since the great turnip famine. Maybe I don't even know HOW I like my turnips. Maybe I never stopped to think IF I like turnips. Maybe I'll get my ears pierced and not just one hole in each ear but two! I'm telling you, I'm CRAYZEE like that and I might just do it. I would need to pass it by your father and my pastor first, but then I totally might get genuine diamanelle studs in each ear, twice. But what will the women at the auxiliary club think? They just know me as Helen. Trusty ol' Helen who makes turnips and fudge and doesn't have extramarital affairs or pierced ears.

Who said anything about an extramarital affair? Is it getting hot in here? I have to go check on my turnips before Ned and the kids get home. Ned's indigestion has been pretty bad lately and Lewis entered his solar system in the science fair and I do hope he got at least a ribbon. I stayed up half the night painting Uranus.

Oh, just out of plaster of Paris and acrylic tempura paints.

At the start of this email I was going to tell you how I was rescheduled for Monday but in the course of writing it I found out there was a bit of booking confusion and so I'm not on Monday but will be on next week. I feel the not Monday thing isn't certain though. So we'll see.


KevinC. said...

I’m so confused right now. So what you're saying is: you'll be on the French Edition of Red Eye possibly on Monday, with a cool turnip recipe?

Joe said...

We should have known there would be a lot of confusion today - it's Friday the 13th!

Corey Ranes said...

Don't hurt the turnips Alison, they didn't do anything to you. Well whenever you get on Redeye I'll be sure to watch (even though I watch anyway)

Ted from Accounting said...

Red Eye! Blah, you don't need them have the power of VLOGS

warren the turd said...

alison..take a deep breath...ok
So i'm thinking this latest tyraid
has to do with your past couple of vlogs..the biological clock is ticking like a time bomb..excuse the pun.You said you meet an "amazing" guy last night...and you did something? now your talking about extra-marital fudge and doing little "mr amazing's" science project..and you said you were "married" to your job...which is now having extra-hosting affirs and you know you deserve better..deep breaths Alison.."this too shall pass" and I just wanted to say it loud and proud.."I LOVE POTATOES!!"

Brett Jones said...

Ahhh.. A blog post that included Uranus humor. I'm so going to cut this one out and put it in the scrap book.

Trapp said...

Bummer. Shoot for the end of the week. Aren't those the shows that usually get repeated on the weekend?

Alison Rosen: She's so awesome that black holes live in fear of being sucked into her.