Thursday, November 20, 2008

This is me not making any Virgin puns

I'm sleepy, readers. Sleepy and hungry. I'd order room service but it's closed and plus, I have to be up and at em and in a MINI E by 8am so I should just go to sleep and wake up more lithe. Who couldn't stand to be lither? Not this guy.

(It cracks me up to refer to myself that way, I think, because it's a very indirect reference to one of my favorite off color jokes. Perhaps I'll tell you someday. Or maybe I won't.)

Anyway, I flew here yesterday on Virgin America which was pretty cool save for the fact that the flight was like six hours. Yes, we got in an hour early but what no one seemed to realize is that clever Virgin America scheduled the flight to take seven hours which is ridiculous. So when we got in an hour early people were hooting and hollering but I was raining on their parade in my head and also judging them because it's what I do. I'm fun like that.

The flight attendants were nice and splashy though. One befriended me on my way to the bathroom. I told him it was my first time flying Virgin. "Oh my God, you're a Virgin virgin!" He said excitedly. Then he shouted to the rest of the crew that I was a Virgin virgin. I cried and asked him to hold me. Then he never called me again.

What was I saying? I don't know.

See you at 8am!


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Prototype said...

That flight attendant is whack.

Toddrod said...

Virgin virgin? I don't get it.

Brett Jones said...

Virgin America: The cool guy in the flashy car.

AMR: Filling the Molly Ringwald role, but with better hair (think Pretty In Pink, not Season one of Facts Of Life).

AMR agrees to a date with Virgin, and while initially very excited about it, comes to find out Virgin is lying to her to boost his reputation. Then while AMR is trying to tell everyone about Virgin's deceptive nature, Virgin's friends start spreading rumors that she's a virgin. AMR is completely crushed, left crying in her room alone. She's been lied to and publicly humiliated so she calls Duckie to cry on his shoulder. Pushed to insanity after finding out that AMR was "flying" with Virgin he snaps and builds a shoe bomb into one of his Creepers, jumps on the closest flight then detonates the bomb killing everyone including the caddy flight crew. In the mean time AMR is in a 944 Porsche making out with Jake Ryan and doesn't even notice the fiery ball as it explodes over the horizon.

In closing, two points. First, Jake Ryan is way hotter than Blane McDonough. Second, In my head I frame all of AMR's blog posts within the story line of a John Hughes movie. It's a little quirk of mine. I could do four pages of the couch saga wrapped up in the guise of the The Breakfast Club.

Joe said...

I was on a flight to Chicago once and it arrived about 20 minutes early. Everybody was so happy, but then we ended up sitting on the tarmac for half an hour. We had to wait for another plane to depart before ours could pull in.

I happened to catch part of an interview with Gov. Schwarzenegger on F&F this morning. I think it was at the LA Auto Show, but it must have been taped earlier this week because Brian Kilmeade was doing the interview.

Anyway, they talked about the Detroit auto bailout and then about electric cars. They didn't mention MINI, but they talked about Tesla Motors - a company that's also making electric cars. They aren't in mass production yet so the cost of their cars is sky high. Sounds like they may eventually be a big competitor for MINI though.

Joe said...

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Scott said...

Nice job Brett!

Maybe sometime you could work Alison into an Uncle Buck scene.

AMR could be the rebellious but still innocent coming of age young girl who's dating this guy [insert Alison's blog post here] who treats her like crap and cheats on her when all of the sudden her parents have to leave town abruptly and her oafish, irresponsible but kindhearted and well intentioned Uncle with the really embarrassing car shows up to watch her and her two younger siblings.

Jonfun said...

Well, chalk this one up under oddly normal in the life of Allison. Nice.

Brett Jones said...

Thanks Scott.

While I was toiling away doing some manual labor today, I started thinking how if I branch out of John Hughes movies I'd try and a post within the Grosse Point Blank story line. AMR as a hitman seeking redemption would be fun.