Tuesday, June 17, 2008

How I read the alumni magazine

First I flip through "for pleasure" but don't actually read any of the features. Then I go to the obits to make sure no one I knew or who was young died. Then I glance at the births to see if anyone I know had a kid and to make sure lots of people younger than I am aren't popping out babies because if they are, there might be something wrong with me. Then I start looking at the alumni notes beginning with about '85, I'm not sure why. I scan to see if anyone I know is doing anything interesting. Then I make sure no one younger than I am has published a book. Then I look at the photos to see if anyone I know has gone hiking, gotten married or visited the campus (photos are always only of these things). Then I think about emailing or calling classmates to ask them if they saw that so-and-so did this or that, but I don't actually do this. This whole project eats up somewhere between six and eleven minutes.


Toddrod said...

This post begs me to ask, "Do you live in different worlds, Alison? Is Blog Writer Alison different than TV Personality Alison, and is that person different than Book Writer Alison, and Dating Attractive Man Alison, or even Dating Ted the Accountant Alison." Ok, I just threw that in there cuz I know Ted the Accountant has been secretly wanting to take you out on a much needed date. I admire Ted for his assertiveness.


Anonymous said...

Short Quote of the Alumni:

"I feel like its my 17th birthday today....."

Celtics Fan

Joe said...

That post makes me a little sad because the college I went to doesn't have a newsletter. Actually - it's no longer operating.

The college started having serious financial problems and was going under. At the last minute it was aquired by the University of Vermont, which is right nearby. All of that happened after I graduated, but I still sometimes wonder about my business degree coming from a college that went under for financial reasons shortly after I left.

The way I read magazines is a little strange. I usually read them back to front. I picked up that habit back in high school for some reason - I don't remember why. But I still do it today.

Joe said...

Oh, I just wanted to mention the interview Greg did with John Coleman last night. I thought it was great. Coleman is a pretty smart guy. I liked how he said he's an envoronmentalist and wants to protect the planet too, but the connection between CO2 and global warming is way overblown. And as he said, more and more scientists (thousands of them now) agree with him.

He also mentioned how CNN and MESS-NBC won't even let him on their networks. Pretty amazing. I hope Greg has him on again.

Ted from Accounting said...

ROLF! Too funny Toddrod! Although Alison looks 23 and not 33....the truth is (sigh) that I don't date older women. She'll just have to remain my Internet GF.

But, if she ever writes a book and has a west coast signing, I could envision it going like this...

The signing would start about noon at a Barnes and Noble. She would be sitting there at a small table with a stack of books. There would be a small crowd. I would show up late as usual and be standing there in a suit. She would lean over and glance down the line and instantly recognize me. Her first reaction would be, damn he is better looking in person. She would slightly smile and go back to signing her books. When I got to the front of the line, she would walk around the table and give me a hug and then write as an inscription, "To My FavoriteS Tortilla Chip!" This won't make sense to anyone else but...Ok, back to the story, at this point, I would turn and start to walk away and for a moment look back and she would look at me and wink.

As I walked away and she returned to book signing we would both think "damn I should have said something!"

*****Wake Up Ted Wake Up*******

In other words....I love me some Rosen in da morning! Peace out Peeps!

Joe said...

That's pretty good, Ted! As long as we're daydreaming, may I pick up the story from there?

After the book signing, Alison and I hop on a flight to Paris. We spend a few days touring the city - strolling down the Champs Elysees, visiting Versailles, Notre Dame, the Lourve, the Musée d'Orsay...

Then we take a train to Vienna and then Rome, enjoying all the sights of those cities. We finish our trip with a cruise to the Greek Isle of Santorini. We visit the ancient city of Thera and have dinner at the Ambrosia Restaurant.

When I mention that we have to get up early for our flight home the next morning, Alison says, "Home? Why don't we just stay here for a few years."

Toddrod said...

Dang guys! My fantasy is so different. I walk up to the table to get my booked signed, and Alison looks up at me and says, "Do you want the rest of my Doritos? I'm kinda tired of them." I look at her, and think to myself, "I want more than Doritos!" However, I can only say quietly, "Yes, I would love to have the rest of your Doritos." Little did Alison realize that I just finished a bag of Cheetos in the car before I walked into the bookstore.


P.S. Damn, I need to grab some lunch before I go to work.

Ted from Accounting said...

Oh you guys! I was totally being serious on how the book signing would go! However, if you want to step into a semi-conscious dream like state...the signing may very well go like this:

Diana Falzone, Alison and I are all holding hands as we enter the Wonka Chocolate Factory for the momentous signing. Surrounding the table full of books (and yes, I may very well know the book's title) are numerous and faithful Oompa Loompas to assist. Strangely they all have the face of Gutfeld. After the successful signing, the three of us drink from the Chocolate River, frolick amongst the everlasting gobstoppers and snuggle aboard the Wonka Boat for a three hour cruise.

Due to this being a PG-13 blog, I can't share the rest of the story but maybe Alison and Diana can discuss it on tomorrow's show!?!?!?