Thursday, April 03, 2008

this cracked me up

"I need to talk to you about your jury dutice." —my mom, in a rush, trying to say "jury duty notice"

(Yes, I've been called for jury dutice in a city in which I haven't lived for six years. I think I'll do it! I'll do my dutice!)


Ted from Accounting said...

The Top 15 Excuses for Avoiding Jury Duty

15."'Biodome' and 'In the Army Now' both sucked,
why should this one be any different?"

14."My new diet requires me to eat a quart of beans every 15 minutes."

13."I'm currently under treatment for 'menage a twelve' addiction."

12."My religion forbids me removing my beer hat!"

11."Your puny Earth laws are no concern of mine, magistrate."

10."Pick me, Your Honor -- I can *smell* guilt!"

9."Dear sirs pleeze excuze Matt from jury dooty his grandma dide. Sinseerly, Matt's mom."

8."Do I get to slap the scumbags around like Detective Sipowicz?"

7."Your Honor, *any* jury I'M on would be hung."

6."I wouldn't want to destroy my remaining shred of faith in the judicial system by actually seeing
it in action."

5."I'm Judge Wapner and ALL you sons of bitches are guilty!"

4."I'm unable to sit in the jury box without barking and crying out for Arsenio."

3."I couldn't possibly be impartial-- the defendant is my arch-enemy, and I'm... Cheddar Man!"

2."Tastes great? Less Filling? Both sound pretty convincing to me."

and the Number 1 Excuse for Avoiding Jury Duty...

1."I just can't stop giggling whenever someone says, 'All rise.'"

Ted from Accounting said...

Ha Ha! I've never had to do my dutice!

So as the President of the Western Region of the RosenFans Club (Yes, your fan club had to be split into regions due to back door infighting), I have a complaint! I was chatting with another celeb on Myspace and discovered you posted a drawing pic. However, even with my 30 inch LCD screen, I can't make it out very well! It's like looking miniature stamp!

Joe said...

Wouldn't it be a pain if they MADE you go and sit through a 12 week murder trial?

I actually worked with someone who was on a jury for a murder trial. It only took 3 or 4 days though - it was an open and shut case. It was still a very emotional experience for her, having to listen to all the evidence and look at crime scene photos, etc. I believe they were sequestered too.

So I guess they really have cancelled Red Eye overseas. No other countries are getting it now!

Joe said...

Hey everyone... I think there may still be hope for me after all:

Where do I sign up??

SpiffyRaccoon said...

If you happen to end up on the jury for a sheep molestation case, "Baaa" constitutes consent and don't let that prudish prosecutor tell you otherwise.

Kaufman said...

Dury Judy?

Anonymous said...

I felt so lost when I realized I hadn't read your blog since 3/27. Daggone, I hate when I have a brain fart.

You maam, are not close to becoming Steve Martin.