Wednesday, February 27, 2008

Books I'll Never Write

How I Learned to Quit Being a Neat Freak

So You Want to Skydive

Yoga for Leos

Feel the Fear and Brew It Anyway (or, A Diary of the Year I Spent Growing Hops in my Broom Closet While Collecting Welfare)

Confessions of Fashion Addict

Confessions of a Person Who's Really Good at Sewing Buttons

Human Pretzel: My Body Bent This A-way

Mmmm, Mayonnaise!

Tuesdays with Larry, My Gynecologist

It's Friday, I'm in Love (with Gloves!)

Building Your Own Gun Racks for Fun and Profit

Russian Roulette and Other High Stakes Rainy Day Games

Secrets of Someone Who Always Keeps Plans

1001 Uses for a Soiled Doily

Kinko's: A Love Story


todd said...

1001 Uses for a Soiled Doily... Is there any other kind? Do those even come 'new'?

Joe said...

For some reason it all keeps coming back to gun racks :o)

The books I won't be writing (at least this morning) are "Snow Wonderful Snow" and "The Joy of Shoveling."

I tuned into Red Eye last night and was surprised to see Miss Universe 2008 was a guest. But wait... it wasn't Miss Universe, it was Miss Alison Rosen! It only took me a few seconds to figure it out - Alison is much more attractive and elegant.

It was a good show except I really hope they don't have Joe Francis on again. I don't care how many homes and jets he has, the guy is just plain creepy.

Anonymous said...

Watchew talkin' about Alison? Always wanted to say that. I think those books you would never write would be a pleasure for me to not ever having to read them.

It was a pleasure to see you in the Hot girl seat once again. Any seat you sit in is the Hot girl seat. "I like the way you talk". (That's my Slingblade immitation.) You were such a p.y.t!! But I bet you hear that at least about 700 times a day.

Here's my answering service message for today:

Yellooow!!!, you have reached the offices of Michael, Michael, Michael, Michael, Michael, Michael, Michael...(so on and so forth) Michael will be in the office later on in the day. His pimp-mobile is in the shop. Please leave a message at the end of the beep...*BEEP.*.....This is where you get to listen to some Dixie Chix music while going through all the menu options.


Ted from Accounting said...
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
Ted from Accounting said...

Ted's Before 10 AM Post Game Wrap:

Bald Dude: Funny

Blond Chic: Cute, half the calories but less filling

TV Guide Guy: Whatever

Bill: Funny

Greg: Loved the viewer mail as always!

Andy: Much better than he's been doing!

Alison: Red Eye has a habit of putting cute women on the show but only on occasion do they put beautiful women on the show! You and Patty Ann Brown are in the beautiful category! Is it just me or is it like every time your on camera, you have this "cute-sarcastic" look on your face? I mean for's not the same face you make for the news channel stuff!

Great job as usual...I liked how they introduced you as a "Red Eye Regular."

A book I'll never write:

How to successfully flirt with a blog host!

Peace out peeps! Off for my 2 hour massage and pedicure!

Joe said...

Michael, your message reminds me of an old joke:

A guy named John calls a legal firm:

Law Office: Smith, Smith, Smith and Smith law offices, can I help you?

John: Hello, I'd like to speak to Mr. Smith

Law Office: I'm sorry but Mr. Smith is retired and is no longer here.

John: OK, let me speak with Mr. Smith.

Law Office: I'm afraid Mr. Smith is out of town for the rest of the week.

John: OK then, I'd like to speak to Mr. Smith.

Law Office: Mr. Smith will be at a court proceeding for the rest of the day.

John: Well then, please let me speak with Mr. Smith.

Law office: Speaking...

Anonymous said...

Picture this: Sicily 1941. etc.

So I'm in my office now enjoying my Earl Grey Tea after smoking a big fattie. (just a cigarette kids don't get carried away.) As I'm enjoying reading my fellow bloggers sits this comment removed thingie. I swear it's like trying to talk to someone with a big nasty green booger on their face. These are becoming too frequent in my opinion. Don't hate the playa's. Hate the game! Oh look! it's already lunch time.

Here's your sign: GONE FISHIN'


P.S. Joe I got a kick out of your Mr. Smith joke. It made me smile.

alison said...

hey, just wanted to comment on the comment-removed thing. It was a duplicate comment. I considered leaving it but then figured the person who submitted twice would probably rather only have it appear once. So, that's what happened!

Anonymous said...

And that's why you're in charge Miss Rosen. Thank you for the clarification. Although it still felt good to b*tch a little. Even if it was about nothing.


Sorry for the disturbance. Nothing to see here. Let's keep it movin'

Anonymous said...

I choose to comment on the AlisonandWendy tumblr here. I read the latest installments and I was thinking to myself. Self: "Sometimes art has to just be looked at and admired." It's like looking at those old art thingies where you had to do weird things to your eyes, as far as unfocusing, until you got what the artist was trying to portray. Everytime I tried doing it, I always saw the samething. The broadside of a blue barn. Weird huh? I guess what I'm trying to say is, "I'm tipping my cap at the AlisonAndWendy tumblr."


Anonymous said...

So I just got back from my extended lunch break. Mmm, pork chops and mashed tatr's smuthred in gravy. (That's soul food down here in the durty.) I planned on putting a full day at the office, but why bother? I finished up my work early today, so I'm gonna eat my after dinner mint and go crowd surfing.


P.S. Some, maybe not all of my comments aren't understood at least for 26 hrs after posting. Isn't that weird? Of course I'm only speaking from my perspective.

Sign on the office door: Gone on vacation!

Ted from Accounting said...

Oops! Judging by the time of that deleted comment, I probably double posted! Anytime I have to get up before 10 AM, things can get screwed up! Unfortunately, Ingrid my masseuse and Mae Ling my manicurist could only fit me in early today! Thank you to Alison! As always your the hostess with the mostess.

I wonder if Alison will be throwing elbows at the other women to catch the bride's bouguet.

I agree Michael, the Tumblr is something I like to admire but on rare occasion will comment on. Only when I'm trying to interpret one of their masterpieces will I comment! :)

Well, I'm off to my MENSA meeting!

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