Thursday, November 29, 2007

Two embarrassing admissions

1) Sometimes I look at bruises I get (I bruise kind of easily and I'm clumsy) and think they make me look tough. In fact I had this big bruise on my upper arm a couple years ago which I got from walking into a door at Grand Central (it's actually more complicated than that. There are these narrow doors at Grand Central where you push one side and this brass beam attached to the other side of the door whacks you in the arm, which I did three times in a row) and I would go into the bathroom at work when I was bored and pull up my sleeve and look at it and think that it kind of looked like a tattoo.

2) I'm reading—and enjoying—Gossip Girl. And in my head I imagine what I would say to anyone should they query why a 45 year old woman is reading Gossip Girl (note: I am not really 45), much like when I went through my mixed vegetables in a can phase I'd think of what I'd say to the clerk should he ask me why I'm buying like 8 cans of mixed vegetables and bottle of diet 7-Up, though it never came to that.

13 comments:

Ted said...

OMG, your posts are like crazy insane sometimes! They are like a synthetic opiate increasing the dopamine levels to my cerebral receptors and resulting in euphoria!

I have no clue what Gossip Girl is and never heard of someone pretending their bruise was a tattoo.

This just re-enforces my belief that if you were a cartoon character, you would be Lizzy from Meet the Robinsons...

You can see her at the end of this clip:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sY_E5x61-68

If you can't tell, I'm in a good mood! :)

Anonymous said...

Quote of the day:

"I'm watchin you...."


Tom "The Stalker Myspace Dude" Anderson

spaceagent said...

Spotted at Grand Central... a 40ish glamorous brunette beauty clumsily muscling her way through the crowd, carrying cans of mixed veggies and diet soda.

Where is she going? On her way to meet S and B? Her boyfriend D? She looks like a hologram, and seems strangely out of place without dog at her side.

xoxo Gossip Girl

Yes, yes, I admit it. I admit I watch Gossip Girl. And yes, I like it. Leave me alone.

Anonymous said...

It's amazing how people with lighter complexions seem to bruise so easily. It's like red-headed people usually have more freckles. Seems to go hand in hand. Very puzzling. Somehow I think MythBusters should tackle this. Or we should just ask JaRule to help us make sense of all this. (That is a quote from Dave Chappelle.)

The canned vegetables thing is hilarious. I'm sure all of us go through the same health kick stage. I'll go to the store and in my own stern voice to myself I say. "Nothing but fruits and vegetables, cereals, Kashi snacks, and a protein drink". And just as always, after a couple of weeks, it's all thrown out.

The Montel show will be on at 3 where I reside. I think the BioChannel thingie is on at either at 11 or 12 this afternoon. So looking forward to a heavy dose of Ali today. Should be interesting!!
I'm Audi 5000.

Michael.
La.

Anonymous said...

Useless,random thoughts by Jack Handy.... I mean uh, Michael.

I spotted something this week that would surprise me if it doesn't make it on the show Best Week Ever.
It was on I Love New York. She was handing out a chain to a guy and she said something like, "I really really like you, blah, blah, blah." Then she said "You're like a brother to me...". AWKARD!!! Total,total silence...If you get a chance to see it, you'll know what I mean.

Also, whatever happened to Pop Up Video on Vh1? That's how I kept abreast of what's going on. I said breast..heh,heh,heh,huh,huh!! This should be brought back.

Michael.
La.

Anonymous said...

Hmm, let's try this out. See if I can flip the script a little.

Michael: If I personally was Alison's blog, I would becoming on you!

I don't care what you say, if you don't think that's funny, then you need to get the hell outta here!!

Well, at least it's funny to me.

Michael.
La.

Anonymous said...

Well, I waited for the Bio thingie, and it said there would be a biography on the Culkin's at 2:00 Pm. my time. At my dismay it's about Gene Kelly. So I guess I missed the boat on this one. Not to worry though, Montel will be on at 3 my time. So it's all good in my hood, understood? I just made that up.

Here's a gem:
Alison: If hotness, and sexiness were my favorite novel. I would skip through all the build-up and go straight for the climax. Well, you know, cause I'm a guy and all.

Yes, I have alot of time on my hands.

Michael.
La.

Ted from Accounting said...

"I don’t not think you don’t." What were your professors smoking in Claremont?

1 hour until Montel!

Ok, so my coworker and I always call each other on our cell phones...even when at relatively close distances in the office. So I called her and she had this ring tone on for me:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Z47EUaIFrdQ

So I put the following ring tone on for her:

http://www.myxertones.com/ringtone:239001/

I plan on using this one as well:

http://www.myxertones.com/ringtone:16899/

Why would anyone have an interest in this besides me? Well, it's better than writing "If Red Eye was a pillow fight, I'd slap her with my goose down until it exploded feathers all over her face." Shit, I wrote that crappy line anyway! I officially suck!

Ted said...

Ted's post game wrap:

1. That girl who was afraid of New York was lame.

2. The Internet story was hilarious. I liked seeing that fat reporter run.

3. I've switched to Jodi Applegate's Blog Page... J/K

4. You were impressive as always! Stunning hair! Good job Alison!

Anonymous said...

Wooohoo!!!, just got through checking you out on Montel. You were lovely and *absolutely* (inside joke) charming. A beautiful smile as well. Your diversity knows no bounds. I just wonder if you got to eat that pizza. It looked wonderful.

I gotta say, the show made New York awfully appealing. Perhaps I'll venture there some day for a vacation. Well, just wanted to congratulate you on a job well done on the show! It was fascinating. By the way, is awfully appealing an oxy moron?

Michael.
Louisiana.

P.S. That naked cowboy frightened me!

Anonymous said...

Oh man, I'm busting at the seams to tell this one.

Alison: If natural beauty, and sexiness were a Genie bottle, I would gently caress,and rub her until I brought the woman out inside her. Isn't that romantic?

Oh yeah, that's right, I went there. Now would be a good time to retire. There ain't no toppin' that one. I just set the gold standard.

Michael.
Louisiana.

Ted said...

Damn it Michael! That was the best one yet! I'm a competitive but I don't think I can out do that one! The fun will be in trying though!

Oh, I forgot to put that I'm just glad that reporter couldn't catch me! :)

Anonymous said...

Thanks Ted. To be honest, I don't think The Great Greg Gutfeld could top that one. No disrespect towards him. After all, he invented this line of humor. So he pretty much paved the way. Man, it sounds like I'm giving an acceptance speech. I'm such a pompous bastard!

Michael.
La.