When you're at a Vice party in New York

My friend Mike who used to be in Smile but is now in Satisfaction wrote this which I think is pretty fucking ingenious so I've reprinted it here:

It's alright.. cocaine.

I have been updating the lyrics to Eric Clapton's "Cocaine" to fit in with modern times. With a few contributions by some good friends, I have compiled the following verses so far. Please feel free to help me out with some good ones.

Cocaine

When it's two weeks of no sleep and your dick looks like an acorn, cocaine.
When your buddy owes you a grand but he only gives you half and his Datsun B210, cocaine.
When your chick falls asleep and you have a lot of soldering to do in the garage, cocaine.
When it's time for bed but it's also time to polish your guns, cocaine.
When it's 4am and you're convinced you can rewire the VCR to unscramble Cinemax, cocaine.
When your ex wife had you watch the kids and you can't remember where you put them, cocaine.
When you're driving home from a double shift and you swear that helicopter is following you, cocaine.
When you are kind of hungry but you'd rather chew on the inside of your mouth, cocaine.
When your name is Barry but everyone calls you "scoops", cocaine.
When you're cleaning your stag's head antlers with some hooker's crotchless panties, cocaine.
When you put a nail in a piccolo pete and you duct tape it to the bottom of a skateboard, cocaine.

It's alright. It's alright. It's alright..
Cocaine.

And here's my contribution:

When you've been waiting to use the bathroom for like 25 minutes and the door is locked and you can hear a whole bunch of giggling bitches in there, one of whom asked to borrow a "key" or "pen cap," cocaine.